That question usually comes around the age of four or five, sometimes earlier, sometimes later.  I know for me, my oldest did not ask it when I was pregnant with my second child – when I was all prepared to answer it - and it wasn’t until my dog Petey was at a breeding facility that the question arose.  (In case you are wondering, Petey, a purebred Labrador Retriever, was donated to National Service Dogs breeding program.  He produced seven beautiful puppies (before coming home to us) who went on to work as guide dogs for children with Autism.)  My heart gave a little jump at the thought of answering the question but I plowed ahead, editing out some parts and obscuring others but basically giving the general idea of how a puppy was conceived.  I kept it very age appropriate and the wonderful thing about children is that they will give cues as to what is too much information and what isn’t.

Most parents feel relief when they finally answer that question and often believe that they do not have to deal with any more questions about conception or for that matter, sex.  Unfortunately, there will be a time when every parent needs to have ”the talk” and with popular culture being what it is, they won’t be able to get away with the whole birds and bees and the wonderful storks story.

It is hard to believe but in many places, the age of consent can be as low as 14.  That means that when a child, and I truly believe they are still children at that age, is 14, he or she can give the consent to have intercourse.  This is always shocking since our country does not believe that a child is responsible enough to make the decision to vote until they are 18 and are not responsible enough to drink until they are 19 (parts of Canada) or older but our legal system believes they are responsible enough to make an informed decision about sex.

This being said, it is very important for all parents to start having “the talk” in unstructured ways when their child is young.  This means that you answer questions in age appropriate ways whenever your child brooches the subject.  As they mature, they will understand that you are open to these dialogues and will seek out your advice much more than they seek out their peers or society when it comes to sex questions.

Another tip is to be completely open about the risks involved in intercourse.  Giving children all the tools to properly protect themselves is the best way to ensure the safety of your teens when and if they become sexually active.  If they are aware of STD’s, teen pregnancy and the ways to protect themselves then they are more likely to use protection. 

One problem that many parents face is the fact that they do not want to discuss birth control and STD prevention with their daughter(s).  Many girls are often pressured into believing that if they don’t have sex without a condom, they won’t be liked by the boy they are contemplating intercourse with.  Anther belief that many girls have is that birth control, besides the pill, is the responsibility of the boy and  if they are the ones providing the condoms, they will be looked down on.  It is very important to teach your daughter that she is responsible for her own safety and any boy that will not have intercourse with her simply because she is simply protecting herself from an STD is not worth her time.

Of course, we all hope that our children will never, ever, ever have intercourse and that all our grandchildren will actually be miracle baby’s but the logical side of us knows that that just isn’t going to happen.  Starting out on the right foot by having open discussions with your child throughout his or her life and also having more in-depth conversations with them when they reach their teen years, will help your child make the best decision regarding his or her own sex life.  It is scary and they are conversations that we wish we never have to make but don’t worry, you will get through it and your child will have the best possible start when they begin the gradual shift into adulthood.

All the best and if you would like any more advice, I would strongly recommend this article: Talking Sex with Teens.

Sirena

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