Of course, I am probably in the minority of people who feel this way, although I know other liked minded individuals are out there, and when it comes to teens, in particular, there are a greater number of teens watching what their favorite stars are doing so they can emulate them in some manner or another.

So why am I going on about celebrities? It all goes back to the OK! Magazine that featured Jamie Lynn Spears and her new baby girl. Sure that seems pretty innocent. A young girl happily posing with her baby. We have seen hundreds of celebrity moms in the same pose on the cover of that very same magazine. The main problems are:

1. The caption with the photograph, “Being a mom is the best feeling in the world!” – Ok! Weekly, July 2008
2. She is only 17 years old.

Yes, I agree with the caption. Being a mom is a wonderful experience and although I will never hold it against anyone for having a child as a teen, my mother was 16 when she gave me up for adoption, I have a problem with the fact that magazines are turning this into something hip and easy that all girls should try.

“Like, oh my gawd, did you try that new cherry lip balm? Completely amazing. Oh, I haven’t tried the lip balm but being pregnant, and like a mom, is the best high in the world, even better than lip balm. Oh, my gawd, really? Yeah, completely.”

I know, my teen lingo is probably completely dated and I’m sure that this conversation does not occur verbatim but there are many conversations out there that should be occurring that aren’t. These are the conversations at home where parents discuss sexual education and teaching their children about birth control.

On top of those helpful tips, it is very important to stress that being pregnant is not a new “in” thing to do. In a school in New England, it is believed that a group of girls made a pact to become pregnant. A large number of girls becoming pregnant in a small town is is not as uncommon an occurrence as you may think, although the pact may be. When I myself was 15, I moved away from the small town that I was living in. Just before I left, one of my friends found out that she was pregnant and she wasn’t sure what she was going to do. A year and a half later I went back for a visit and found out my friend had kept the baby and 8 other friends were either pregnant or had just had a baby. In a town of just over 6000 residents, that is a high number of pregnancies for just one year.

On top of the regular pressures, when teens are flooded with images of a perky, happily pregnant 16 year old who has the perfect baby shower, also published in the magazine, an exciting delivery and an amazing end result with a huge payday for photos, many girls begin to see the possibility of starting a family early without the ramifications behind the act.

In the US alone, just under one million teen pregnancies will occur this year. Of these pregnancies, roughly 95% are unplanned and one third are aborted. (Teen Pregnancy Rates in the USA by Victor C. Strasburger, MD.  2008, http://www.coolnurse.com/teen_pregnancy_rates.htm) This equates to a lot of risk, heartache and cost for society in the whole. Not to mention the health risks that are involved with teen pregnancy. These can be:

• low birth rate for the baby.
• complications during delivery
• fetal death or the baby could be stillborn.
• anemia
• high-blood pressure

It is these facts that parents should discuss with children. Although the long term consequences of the action, the monetary, and the “real” life problems that will occur should also be discussed, the here and now problems are the ones that will affect a teen’s decision more.  The inability to finish classes, the risks to her body and the risks to the baby may deter her from trying to get pregnant or from not practicing safe sex.

Lastly, it is important to let your child know that you are there for her. That you love her and will support her if something does happen. If your teen does become pregnant, there is no point to rage and scream about it –although not doing so is probably much easier said than done — and instead, you should work together to figure out all the options and what is the best one for you, your teen daughter and the baby she is carrying.

For more information on speaking to teens about sex, visit this post and for more information on teen pregnancy, I would strongly recommend http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/teen_pregnancy.html and http://www.coolnurse.com/teen_pregnancy_rates.htm

Sirena Van Schaik

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That question usually comes around the age of four or five, sometimes earlier, sometimes later.  I know for me, my oldest did not ask it when I was pregnant with my second child – when I was all prepared to answer it - and it wasn’t until my dog Petey was at a breeding facility that the question arose.  (In case you are wondering, Petey, a purebred Labrador Retriever, was donated to National Service Dogs breeding program.  He produced seven beautiful puppies (before coming home to us) who went on to work as guide dogs for children with Autism.)  My heart gave a little jump at the thought of answering the question but I plowed ahead, editing out some parts and obscuring others but basically giving the general idea of how a puppy was conceived.  I kept it very age appropriate and the wonderful thing about children is that they will give cues as to what is too much information and what isn’t.

Most parents feel relief when they finally answer that question and often believe that they do not have to deal with any more questions about conception or for that matter, sex.  Unfortunately, there will be a time when every parent needs to have ”the talk” and with popular culture being what it is, they won’t be able to get away with the whole birds and bees and the wonderful storks story.

It is hard to believe but in many places, the age of consent can be as low as 14.  That means that when a child, and I truly believe they are still children at that age, is 14, he or she can give the consent to have intercourse.  This is always shocking since our country does not believe that a child is responsible enough to make the decision to vote until they are 18 and are not responsible enough to drink until they are 19 (parts of Canada) or older but our legal system believes they are responsible enough to make an informed decision about sex.

This being said, it is very important for all parents to start having “the talk” in unstructured ways when their child is young.  This means that you answer questions in age appropriate ways whenever your child brooches the subject.  As they mature, they will understand that you are open to these dialogues and will seek out your advice much more than they seek out their peers or society when it comes to sex questions.

Another tip is to be completely open about the risks involved in intercourse.  Giving children all the tools to properly protect themselves is the best way to ensure the safety of your teens when and if they become sexually active.  If they are aware of STD’s, teen pregnancy and the ways to protect themselves then they are more likely to use protection. 

One problem that many parents face is the fact that they do not want to discuss birth control and STD prevention with their daughter(s).  Many girls are often pressured into believing that if they don’t have sex without a condom, they won’t be liked by the boy they are contemplating intercourse with.  Anther belief that many girls have is that birth control, besides the pill, is the responsibility of the boy and  if they are the ones providing the condoms, they will be looked down on.  It is very important to teach your daughter that she is responsible for her own safety and any boy that will not have intercourse with her simply because she is simply protecting herself from an STD is not worth her time.

Of course, we all hope that our children will never, ever, ever have intercourse and that all our grandchildren will actually be miracle baby’s but the logical side of us knows that that just isn’t going to happen.  Starting out on the right foot by having open discussions with your child throughout his or her life and also having more in-depth conversations with them when they reach their teen years, will help your child make the best decision regarding his or her own sex life.  It is scary and they are conversations that we wish we never have to make but don’t worry, you will get through it and your child will have the best possible start when they begin the gradual shift into adulthood.

All the best and if you would like any more advice, I would strongly recommend this article: Talking Sex with Teens.

Sirena

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