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<channel>
	<title>That Parent Place &#187; Parenting</title>
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	<link>http://thatparentplace.com</link>
	<description>Adventures in Parenting</description>
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		<title>Answering a Tough Question</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/07/20/answering-a-tough-question/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/07/20/answering-a-tough-question/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 20 Jul 2008 06:00:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Between Parents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[answering tough questions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Arthurian legend]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[discrimination]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[History]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hitler]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Merlin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[World War I]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[World War II]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=198</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/07/20/answering-a-tough-question/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/questions.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="questions" /></a>I was swimming with my son yesterday when we began talking about history. He was asking me questions about Indians and how we came to be in Canada. I was answering his questions while I strained to recall all the social studies that I had taken over the years. At one point I mentioned Europeans [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/questions.jpg"><img class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-200" style="float: right;" title="questions" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/questions.jpg" alt="" width="105" height="102" /></a></p>
<p>I was swimming with my son yesterday when we began talking about history. He was asking me questions about Indians and how we came to be in Canada. I was answering his questions while I strained to recall all the social studies that I had taken over the years. At one point I mentioned Europeans and when he asked me what a European was, I listed off nations that had settled in North America.</p>
<p>When I said Germans, he paled significantly, which is quite a feat since he is very pale to begin with, and his eyes grew wide with worry as he said, &#8220;There are no Germans in Canada, are there?&#8221;</p>
<p>Wondering exactly why he was worried about this, I questioned him and he went on to explain that Germans were the bad guys. Everyone said it and they started those big wars. The question that came tumbling out of his mouth was surprising as he asked, &#8220;Are Germans bad?&#8221;</p>
<p>This really raised my awareness of how tricky it is to answer a question. We fight wars, have soldiers fighting wars and we present an image of the ultimate good and the ultimate evil. In the World Wars, the Germans were the ultimate evil and that is still taught in history books. If you approach history in this manner, then how can you say, &#8220;Well, Germans were bad back then but now they have good people and bad people just like everyone else.&#8221;</p>
<p>For some reason, that doesn&#8217;t seem to cut it and I had to approach it in a somewhat different manner.</p>
<p>So how do you handle this? For me, I look at it not as a race of people being bad but of making a bad choice. They chose to fight for their country and their country was being led by a bad man. Obviously, I don&#8217;t get into the darker points of the war, my son is only 7, after all, but I do not want him to be plagued by discrimination, especially at such a young age.</p>
<p>My first reaction to his question was to say, &#8220;Well, your great grandparents were german, are you bad? Am I bad?&#8221; He smiled in relief and said, &#8220;No.&#8221;</p>
<p>I then explained how the country was led by a bad man and because of that many bad things happened in the country and during the war. They fought for the wrong thing but they fought for their country. People make mistakes (of course this is a bit of an understatement when it comes to the World Wars) and it isn&#8217;t right to believe that all Germans are bad simply because of the wars.</p>
<p>As I was explaining, he smiled and said, &#8220;I know who led the Germans, my friend told me.&#8221;</p>
<p>I smiled and asked him who led the Germans during the wars and he said, &#8220;A bad man named Hitler and another bad man named Merlin.&#8221;</p>
<p>Which brought me to another conclusion, I really needed to keep an eye on what other children were teaching my son. The next half an hour was spent in explaining Arthurian legends and who Merlin was and yes, this whole conversation took place in the pool.  <img src='http://thatparentplace.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_surprised.gif' alt=':o' class='wp-smiley' /> )</p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		</item>
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		<title>Off Sick</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/07/07/off-sick/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/07/07/off-sick/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:35:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[That Parent Place General]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[being sick]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[difficulties in parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sick]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[single parents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stomach flu]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=185</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/07/07/off-sick/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" height="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/plugins/thumbnail-for-excerpts/tfe_no_thumb.png" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="" /></a>Hi Everyone, I just wanted to touch base and apologize for the lack of posts over the last week. I have been off with a horrible stomach flu. Thankfully it is over and also thankfully, my husband was able to take a few days off while I was disposed. There is nothing worse than being [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hi Everyone,</p>
<p>I just wanted to touch base and apologize for the lack of posts over the last week.  I have been off with a horrible stomach flu.  Thankfully it is over and also thankfully, my husband was able to take a few days off while I was disposed.</p>
<p>There is nothing worse than being sick and it really has nothing to do with any of the feelings involved.  Usually for me, it is the lack of being able to do anything, from taking care of the kids to working to just being able to eat a cracker.  I hate the feeling of helplessness and of not being there 100% for my kids.</p>
<p>Being sick really got me thinking about parents in general and single parents specifically.  I know that not everyone has the ability to take time off work if their spouse is sick and not everyone has a spouse or close family members that can.  This leaves them with a pretty difficult situation and being sick is something that they can&#8217;t afford.</p>
<p>As I already mentioned, I am really lucky that my husband could take time off for me but I am aware that not everyone else has that luxury.  So even though I am writing a post explaining my disappearance, I would like to take a moment and commend single parents.</p>
<p>This isn&#8217;t to say that I don&#8217;t think it is difficult being a parent regardless of if you are one, two or a whole community but I&#8217;m not sure what I would have done if my husband was not there to take care of the kids while I was sick.  We sometimes forget that as hard as parenting can be with two parents, it can be much harder with just one.</p>
<p>So that is my little musing for today.  I will be back tomorrow with more posts and everyone gets the added bonus of having me post on weekends for the next several weeks so I can get caught up with posts.</p>
<p>Have a great day and hopefully you won&#8217;t get sick like I did.</p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		<title>Diapering Troubles</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/06/17/diapering-troubles/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/06/17/diapering-troubles/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Jun 2008 10:09:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Infant Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Toddler Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Useful Tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[diaper changes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[diapering]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[diapering troubles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mobiles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parenting tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[songs]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=154</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/06/17/diapering-troubles/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/rimg1217-150x150.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="rimg1217" /></a>When your new baby has first arrived the only problems that you can really foresee in the diapering area are mishaps with the construction of the diaper or the way that you fastened it.  It is often very surprising when a baby suddenly goes from laying quietly on the diaper table to screaming and flaying [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-156" style="float: left;" title="rimg1217" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/rimg1217-150x150.jpg" alt="" width="150" height="150" />When your new baby has first arrived the only problems that you can really foresee in the diapering area are mishaps with the construction of the diaper or the way that you fastened it.  It is often very surprising when a baby suddenly goes from laying quietly on the diaper table to screaming and flaying every time that you try to change a diaper.</p>
<p>You shouldn&#8217;t be worried too much.  This is a fairly common stage in development for young toddlers.  The world is ripe for exploration and it can be pretty frustrating for any young child to be taken from a fun activity for a diaper change.  Suddenly, she can&#8217;t go where she wants or play with what she wants.</p>
<p>Add to that frustration any diaper rashes and you can have a lot of problems when it comes to diapering but there are ways to get over these diapering problems.</p>
<h4><strong>The Frustrating Diaper Change:</strong></h4>
<ul>
<li>Capture attentions:  Since diaper changing can be frustrating for a child on the go, it is a good suggestion to have a mobile hanging above the diaper area just out of reach of grasping hands.  The child will be busy looking at the wonderful decorations swirling around his head that he won&#8217;t have time to struggle during the diaper change.  I have found that blank cd&#8217;s hanging from fishing line are a huge hit since they cast rainbows and glitter in the light.</li>
<li>Sing a song:  Sing a few songs while you are changing diapers.  Before you and your child know it the song will be over and so will the diaper change.</li>
<li>Have a few toys:  Toys are great ways to capture attention.  Even having a few washable books available will also alleviate some of the frustration your child may feel with being taken from an activity.</li>
<li>Play a game:  Playing a game will also help make diapering enjoyable and provide a great opportunity for some bonding.  &#8220;This little piggy,&#8221; or other games are great or you can play a tactile game by tickling toes or elbows with a cloth or a wipe.</li>
</ul>
<h4>The Sore Diapering:</h4>
<p>If there are troubles involving diaper rashes there are a few things that you can do to alleviate the problem.</p>
<ul>
<li>Use cloth wipes:  Some children are sensitive to wipes and using wet clothes for diapering routines can help alleviate some diaper rashes.</li>
<li>Change the brand:  When my oldest was a year, I switched from a tried and true diaper brand to a no name brand. A friend&#8217;s sister worked for the brand company and told me that they were both made by the same company so there was very little difference between the two.  I quickly noticed the difference when my son broke out into angry welts across his diaper area.  I switched back to my first brand, applied a lot of zincofax and after a few days, his skin went back to normal.  So the long story is, if you are dealing with reoccurring diaper rashes, it may be the brand of diapers, wet wipes or diaper cream.</li>
<li>Let the skin air out:  Allow your child some diaper free time.  This is a bit nerve wracking since an accident can happen at any time but it will help the skin get some much needed air.</li>
</ul>
<p>Another method that may help alleviate diapering troubles is to change the location of diapering.  Some children do not like being up high on a change table, even if they had no problem with it earlier.  Moving to a bed or even the floor can help with diapering problems and should be much easier on your back when your child gets heavier.</p>
<p>All the best and hopefully your diapering troubles will be over soon.</p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		<title>Protecting your Children from Predators</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/22/protecting-your-children-predators/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/22/protecting-your-children-predators/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 22 May 2008 18:35:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bad touch]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[child abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[child protection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[good touch]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[predators]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[protection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tips for safety]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=105</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/22/protecting-your-children-predators/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" height="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/plugins/thumbnail-for-excerpts/tfe_no_thumb.png" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="" /></a>Today&#8217;s topic is one that is a lot more sombre than other posts that I have made previously and it is definitely more serious.  It deals with teaching your child about good touch vs bad touch and how they can protect themselves from predators.  This for me is one of the scariest parts of parenthood; [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Today&#8217;s topic is one that is a lot more sombre than other posts that I have made previously and it is definitely more serious.  It deals with teaching your child about good touch vs bad touch and how they can protect themselves from predators.  This for me is one of the scariest parts of parenthood; knowing that I am not always going to be there to protect my children, and it is important to me to teach my children how to protect themselves.</p>
<p>This post actually came about because of a news report this morning about another online predator being arrested after broadcasting a live web feed of him abusing a child.  It sickens me that this is so rampant in our society today and it just reminds me that I need to continuously teach my children how to protect themselves. </p>
<p>Today&#8217;s post isn&#8217;t about protecting against online predators, I will cover that on another day, but is about protecting your children from predators in general.  It is a statistical fact that 85% of children know their abuser and many predators use this as a means to coerce or threaten the child. </p>
<p>I have listed some ways to protect your children and your family.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Open communication:</strong> This has to start before you even get into talking to your child about predators and staying safe.  It is more of a way to live than an actual step to follow since having open communication in your family will foster the knowledge that your child can talk to you about everything and anything.  When they get a bit older, you need to reaffirm this open communication by stressing that if someone does something to them,  they should tell you and you won&#8217;t get mad at them. </li>
<li><strong>Explaining bad touch:</strong>  This is important and my kids understand that no one is allowed to touch their genital area or other private places.  I did explain to them that in some cases doctors will need to touch those places for medical reasons but they would never do it if myself or my husband was not there.  My kids also have areas that are not allowed to be touched because they choose it.  For my oldest, he hates having his elbow being touched.  This to him is a &#8220;bad&#8221; touch, much like my stomach is a bad touch for me (I absolutely hate having my stomach touched, which was lovely when I was pregnant), and he has the right to say, &#8220;Don&#8217;t touch my elbow.&#8221;  Allowing your child to choose other places on his body that he doesn&#8217;t like being touched, even if it is a specific fingernail, helps him identify with the fact that this is his body and he has a right to tell someone not to touch it. </li>
<li><strong>Teaching about good touch:</strong>  It is important to teach about good touch as well.  A pat on the back, a handshake, even a hug are considered to be good touching.  You also need to point out that good touch with family, say a hug, might be considered bad touch, especially by a stranger.  The best thing is to explain that if the good touch doesn&#8217;t feel good when it happens, then it has moved from being a good touch to a bad touch and he should say, &#8220;Stop, I don&#8217;t want you to touch me.&#8221;</li>
<li><strong>Knowing proper names:</strong>  The years spent in childcare has left me shuddering at the names some parents have given their children for their genitalia.  I have heard the usual; peepee, peetail, and then I have heard some pretty awful ones such as birdie, hotdog or taco.  There is absolutely no reason why a child should not know the proper term for their anatomy.  I know that it is hard to say the words to a child but it protects them and gives them the proper speech if they need to report something.  There is a story of a little girl who told a teacher about abuse that was happening in her room each day.  She had no word for vagina (vulva) except birdie. The teacher did not comprehend right away what the little girl was telling her and started asking her if her birdie had a name and other questions about birds.  I&#8217;m not sure of the validity of this story but the message is very clear, without proper language and terms, confusion can destroy any effort a child has put into seeking help.</li>
<li><strong>Be there for your children:</strong>  This is the most important of all the steps, just be there for your child. Be active and knowledgeable about his or her life.  Help out in the clubs she is in such as sports or brownies or anything else.  Know not only the children in your kid&#8217;s life but also know the parents of those children.  Be present and accounted for and your child will go to you if she needs help.</li>
<li><strong>Don&#8217;t focus only on stranger-dangers:</strong>  Remember that although strangers do pose a risk, it is people the child knows who can pose more of a risk.  85% of children know their abusers.  This means that when you are teaching good touch/bad touch, you should explain that if anyone, even someone they know, touches them in a bad way then they need to tell you.</li>
<li><strong>Saying No:</strong>  Since I mentioned language, a good word for your child to learn is &#8220;No.&#8221;  It needs to be said strongly and they should leave right away when they say it.  Another point to make is to teach your child to say, &#8220;These are not my parents&#8221; if someone grabs her from a public place.  Cries for help rarely get noticed and most people think it is a temper tantrum being dealt with.  If a child yells, &#8220;These are not my parents, they&#8217;re trying to take me,&#8221; it is more likely to get attention and, hopefully, aid.</li>
</ul>
<p>There are many other ways to protect your children and although I would love to go through them all, this has become a very heavy post and I don&#8217;t want to overwhelm you with too much more.  I would like to sign off by giving this <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Right-Touch-Read-Aloud-Prevent-Collection/dp/0935699104/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1211480754&amp;sr=8-1">link</a> to an excellent book that helps teach children from Kindergarten to age 8 what good touch and bad touch are. </p>
<p>I would also like to direct you to this <a href="http://www.childhelp.org/gtbt">website</a>, which is full of resources and information for parents on teaching safety to their children. </p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Bottle Battles</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/16/bottle-battles/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/16/bottle-battles/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 01:22:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Infant Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Toddler Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bottle battles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bottle feeding]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[breastfeeding]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feeding]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weaning]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=100</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/16/bottle-battles/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/868023_newborn_drinking_milk-150x150.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="868023_newborn_drinking_milk" /></a>Breastfeeding really is best for a child but not everyone is able to breastfeed for various reasons. For my own children, I was able to breastfeed for roughly one month but neither of them were breastfeeding well. My oldest was not latching and I was losing milk production very quickly. My youngest latched perfectly and [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.sxc.hu/photo/868023"><img class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-139" style="float: right;" title="868023_newborn_drinking_milk" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/868023_newborn_drinking_milk-150x150.jpg" alt="" width="150" height="150" /></a></p>
<p>Breastfeeding really is best for a child but not everyone is able to breastfeed for various reasons.  For my own children, I was able to breastfeed for roughly one month but neither of them were breastfeeding well.</p>
<p>My oldest was not latching and I was losing milk production very quickly.  My youngest latched perfectly and gulped down long pulls of milk, but he stopped gaining and even dropped a few ounces.  After trying to pump my breast milk so I could skim it and feed him the fatty part between breastfeeding, all the while I had an active 3 year old who didn&#8217;t understand why breastfeeding took up roughly 21 hours of my day, I had to give up the ghost and switch to a bottle.</p>
<p>It was a heartwrenching experience and I equated it to being a failure as a mother, something that wasn&#8217;t true at all but I will go into that on another day.  The main point is that by a month old, both of my kids were bottle fed.  This meant that at a year old, I had to start thinking about weaning them from the bottle.</p>
<p>I was pleasantly surprised when it wasn&#8217;t as difficult as I have heard and it all came down to how I approached it.  I have listed a few things to do to make the transition from bottle to none much easier.</p>
<ul>
<li>Never start with a bedtime bottle.  Give your baby an evening bottle and then let him stay up for an additional half hour before settling him down for the night.  When your baby is young, you won&#8217;t have much choice but as he ages and his bottles become further apart, drop out that bedtime bottle first.  Trust me, not having to use a bottle to get him to sleep will be a life saver for when he is older.</li>
<li>When your child begins drinking juice, never place it into a bottle and use a sippy cup instead.  This teaches him from the start that the only thing that goes into a bottle is milk.  He won&#8217;t get used to asking for juice in a bottle.</li>
<li>When you are weaning your child, stop the evening bottle first.  Instead, offer him a bedtime snack and a cup of milk.  This will leave the afternoon bottle and the morning bottle.</li>
<li>The second bottle that you should remove is the afternoon bottle.  By the age of 14 months, my oldest was only offered the morning bottle and it was not associated with any sleep routines such as bedtime or nap time.</li>
<li>Lastly, take the cues from your child when you decide to take the morning bottle away.  You may find that you will need to take it if your child is not giving it up but it is much easier to distract him if he is not using it as an aid for comfort or sleep.</li>
</ul>
<p>My youngest son didn&#8217;t want anything to do with his bottle by the time he was 13 months old, even before I was ready to have him give up the bottle but I took his cue and put the bottles up.  My oldest was 15 months when he gave up his morning bottle but he didn&#8217;t give any cues.  I simply didn&#8217;t give it to him one morning and he never seemed to notice.  He just took the sippy cup, had a nice big drink and then ran off to start his day.</p>
<p>So weaning does not have to be a huge battle and can be fairly easy if you plan for it from a young age.  If it is a struggle, don&#8217;t worry, you will soon get through it.</p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>
<p><a href="http://www.sxc.hu/photo/868023">Photo Credit</a></p>


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		<title>Media Influences: Weight</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/15/media-influences-weight/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/15/media-influences-weight/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 19:05:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Between Parents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Health and Wellness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Teenage Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[America's Next Top Model]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[exercise]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[media influences]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[teen development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weight]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=99</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/15/media-influences-weight/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" height="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/plugins/thumbnail-for-excerpts/tfe_no_thumb.png" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="" /></a>Last night I took an hour to myself to watch America&#8217;s Next Top Model.  Yes, I watch it every week and only started watching it during the last &#8220;cycle&#8221;.  I say I watch it because I have an interest in fashion and it gives me some names to look into but let&#8217;s face it&#8230;there really [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Last night I took an hour to myself to watch America&#8217;s Next Top Model.  Yes, I watch it every week and only started watching it during the last &#8220;cycle&#8221;.  I say I watch it because I have an interest in fashion and it gives me some names to look into but let&#8217;s face it&#8230;there really isn&#8217;t much in the way of fashion, unless meat clothing is the newest rave that I haven&#8217;t noticed. (Imagine the women running down the street, clutching their latest meat purse as a pack of hungry dogs chase them&#8230;enough said.)</p>
<p>No, America&#8217;s Next Top Model is one of those guilty little pleasures but it doesn&#8217;t seem to have as many calories.  Still, as I watch these shows, I shudder at the messages that young girls are getting over body image.  These girls that are deemed &#8220;beautiful&#8221; are a size 1 (and that is probably pushing it.)  They are stick thin and although they are very pretty, they shouldn&#8217;t be what women aspire to become. </p>
<p>I know that they have episodes where they stress eating and they try to show the girls eating at least 3 times in a show but you have judges making comments about being overweight.  One such inference was when a judge commented on Whitney, the plus sized model, being a ham. </p>
<p>Now plus sized models get to me as well, for the simple fact that they are regular sized women that are called plus sized.  Whitney is a size 11 and since when is a size 11 a plus sized clothing line. </p>
<p>So where am I going with this rant?  Very simply put, it is important to notice how media is influencing your children.  There is no way to really shield them since skinny women are every where in magazines and on commercials.  Girls aspire to be thin and beautiful and corporations bank on that. </p>
<p>Since you can&#8217;t shield your child, even your teen.  It is important to discuss healthy weight and how to maintain it.  If your daughter is worried about becoming overweight, discuss a meal plan at home where everyone can eat healthy and stay fit.  You could also enrol in a exercise class so you can keep an eye on how she is managing her weight.  If she gets too skinny, you have the knowledge to intervene and get her back on track.</p>
<p>Above all else, tell your daughter that she is beautiful and that being too skinny isn&#8217;t beautiful at all. </p>
<p>I will have more information on healthy weights, body images and other issues that concern media and how it affects children over the next few weeks. </p>
<p>Until then, happy and healthy eating.</p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		<title>Becoming an Involved Father</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/01/becoming-an-involved-father/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/01/becoming-an-involved-father/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 01 May 2008 22:18:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Between Parents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[child development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fatherhood]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[involved fathers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[societal views]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=82</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/05/01/becoming-an-involved-father/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" height="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/836466_13883171-150x150.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="" /></a>Usually, I find that I talk about child development and everything that has to do with mom.  This isn&#8217;t intentional at all but has more to do with the fact that I am a mother so I see life from the vantage point of a mother.  It is important to remember that fathers are just [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignleft" style="float: left;" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/836466_13883171.jpg" alt="" width="122" height="109" />Usually, I find that I talk about child development and everything that has to do with mom.  This isn&#8217;t intentional at all but has more to do with the fact that I am a mother so I see life from the vantage point of a mother.  It is important to remember that fathers are just as important as mothers and although society has often portrayed the role of the father as expendable, it really isn&#8217;t.  Studies have shown that fathers are an important factor in a child&#8217;s development and having an involved father is the most ideal.</p>
<p>I understand that many families do not have men in the role of father and there are many families that do not have mothers, so I would like to stress that this post isn&#8217;t a way to discredit any way of life, lifestyle or family.  I am just addressing the importance of fathers and how a father can become involved in their child&#8217;s development.</p>
<p>Okay, now that I have the disclaimer done, let&#8217;s look at ways that a father can be involved.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Spend time with your child. </strong>I know this may seem obvious but it deserves being mentioned first and foremost.  Spending time with your child will foster a bond and should be started when your child is still an infant.  Finding a hobby that both you and your child enjoys will help build that bond whether it is out fishing or rehauling an engine (if you do the engine, could you drop me a line over how-to&#8217;s ;o))</li>
<li><strong>Take on some of the responsibilities of caring for your child.</strong>  It doesn&#8217;t matter how many women I talk to, they all tend to share the same thing; they are in charge of 99% of their child&#8217;s care.  This means they deal with bedtime, doctor appointments, school stuff, health stuff, and pretty much all of the everyday stuff.  Some mom&#8217;s may feel a bit territorial over the care of the children (I know I did when my husband offered to take one sick child to the doctors) but it is important for both the relationship with your child and your wife to take some of the responsibility for everyday care. </li>
<li><strong>Try not to be just the friend.</strong>  I know that it is easier to be the friend and spend all your time with your child in fun activities, especially if you find that you work long hours and only have so much time to interact with your child.  While I do agree that your time together should be enjoyable, it is important for you to correct misbehavior in a positive way when you deal with it.  If you are the Dad that never stops your child from misbehaving and is just fun, fun, fun, then chances are your wife is going to have to be the heavy.  This can put a bit of a strain on your relationship with your wife and when it comes to your children having to listen to you, they may not since you are after all more of a friend than a Dad. </li>
<li><strong>On the other side of the spectrum, try not to be the heavy all the time.</strong>  People often say, &#8220;I want my child to think of me as a parent, not as a friend,&#8221; but it is okay to have a friendship with your child.  It should be clear that there is a line where that friendship will be set aside for more parenting responsibilities but in everyday life, laughter and friendship are what makes a family strong.</li>
<li><strong>Saying those simple words, &#8220;I love you.&#8221;</strong>  Surprisingly, or maybe not that surprising at all, men still have a hard time discussing their feelings with anyone.  When it comes to your children, however; it is important to let them know how you feel and to make them feel loved and appreciated.  You don&#8217;t have to get into all the reasons why or any of the more complicated reasons but saying, &#8220;I love you,&#8221; as you send them off to their day can make all the difference in the world.</li>
</ul>
<p>These are only a few things that a father can do to be involved and I will discuss other things in the future.  For now I simply have one more point to make and this is to any mother&#8217;s who are reading this post; it is okay to hand over some of the responsibilities to your spouse.  Sure it might chafe at the start (trust me, it chafes) but you will find that when it is all said and done everyone in your family is much happier with the change. </p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		<title>Depression in Children</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/04/29/depression-in-children/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/04/29/depression-in-children/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 29 Apr 2008 02:21:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Health and Wellness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Preteen Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[School-Age Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Teenage Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[adolescents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[childhood depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Children]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[suicide]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unhappiness]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/?p=37</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/04/29/depression-in-children/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" height="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/sadness-150x150.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="" /></a>A few weeks ago I came across a media report on the author JK Rowling who spoke openly about her own personal battle with depression and her own thoughts about committing suicide.  My initial reaction was to come down hard on the author since she is a heroine to many children and from several articles, the [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignleft" style="float: left;" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/sadness.jpg" alt="" width="90" height="97" />A few weeks ago I came across a media report on the author JK Rowling who spoke openly about her own personal battle with depression and her own thoughts about committing suicide.  My initial reaction was to come down hard on the author since she is a heroine to many children and from several articles, the impression that I got from those articles was that after success, her depression was gone.  Thankfully, I did a bit more snooping and finally found an article that gave a bit more information than several that tried to portray the image that success was the cure of her depression, you can see a more accurate article <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340736,00.html">here</a>.</p>
<p>The reason why I am opening with this article about JK Rowling is that many newspapers failed to mention the following statement  &#8220;Seeking to remove any stigma that might be attached to seeking counseling, Rowing now advises all those suffering from depression to &#8220;go and get help.&#8221;"(<a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20185951,00.html">People</a>)</p>
<p>This is basically the best advice that you can really give anyone that is suffering from depression, seek help, but what happens when the person who is suffering from depression is a teenager or a child.  How do they seek help and where do they get it from.</p>
<p>As surprising as it may seem, children as young as 6 can suffer from depression.  In fact, 1 in 10 children can have various levels of depression (Depression and Children, Canadian Mental Health Association Edmonton Region, 2005).  Depression in children can be fairly difficult to determine and many people mistake it for disorders such as ADHD. </p>
<p>A child that is depressed usually exhibit the following symptoms:</p>
<ul>
<li>Change in appetite</li>
<li>Irritability</li>
<li>Fatigue</li>
<li>Loss of Energy</li>
<li>Loss of Interest in activities</li>
<li>Change in sleep patterns</li>
</ul>
<p>You may also notice that your child expresses a sense of hopelessness, guilt, low self esteem, worthlessness and may talk about death. </p>
<p>Child depression is a stigma and many people do not want to admit to the fact that it does occur.  Like many unpleasant topics, it is easier to just brush off symptoms or to ignore the existence of problems since it is hard to fathom what any child between the ages of 6 and 12 could possibly be depressed about. </p>
<p>It is very important for your child that you understand the symptoms of depression and to take the time to discuss his or her feelings with him.  It is also important to understand that how you react to depression and negative feelings will also affect how he or she reacts to their own depression.  It is an ugly word that really should be brought to light since so many children express unhappiness or even darker thoughts.</p>
<p>The key to a happy childhood isn&#8217;t in ignoring the fact that sadness does happen but is in fact when parents understand and take the time to show that they care about how their children feel, even when those feelings are not the happy, silver lined feelings that we like to pretend are a staple of childhood.  Remember that the very best parents are not the ones that shower presents on their kids and give them everything that they could ever want or need but they are the ones that take the time to simply stay quiet for a moment and listen. </p>
<p>If you would like to learn more about childhood depression, please visit:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.aacap.org/">American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry</a> or <a href="http://www.cacap-acpea.org/">Canadian Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry</a></p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		<title>Water Reminders</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/04/05/water-reminders/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/04/05/water-reminders/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 05 Apr 2008 00:23:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Child Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Children]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Run off]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spring]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Water Hazards]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Water Safety]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/2008/04/05/water-reminders/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/04/05/water-reminders/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/rimg2729.JPG" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="Fall Colors" title="" /></a>After missing a day due to feeling slightly under the weather, I&#8217;m back and ready to talk again.  You might be groaning right now but I&#8217;m sure you will enjoy the next post and of course, since I missed Thursday, you get a special Saturday edition this week.  Anyway, enough from me, let&#8217;s get into the [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>After missing a day due to feeling slightly under the weather, I&#8217;m back and ready to talk again.  You might be groaning right now but I&#8217;m sure you will enjoy the next post and of course, since I missed Thursday, you get a special Saturday edition this week.  Anyway, enough from me, let&#8217;s get into the actual post for today.</p>
<p>A few days ago, I was out running errands when I came across a scene that was almost alarming.  The river that runs through my town in a lazy swirl was currently a raging torrent of white water.  It had flooded its banks in places, was a mere foot from the bottom of several bridges and it had flooded a few roads.  All the water reminded me that I needed to reiterate some guidelines with my children about rivers and streams, especially during the spring months.</p>
<p><a href="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/rimg2729.JPG" title="Fall Colors"><img align="left" width="638" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/rimg2729.JPG" alt="Fall Colors" height="289" style="width: 402px; height: 291px" /></a></p>
<p><em> </em><em>*Even the most serene rivers can pose a potential water hazard, especially in the spring.*</em></p>
<p>This winter has seen a lot of snowfall in my province but even without a lot of perspiration in your area, the dangers of rivers greatly increase in the spring due to run off.  Not only are rivers at high risk but so are streams, lakes, ditches and sewage canals.  Although there should always be vigilance with children and water, spring is a time when parents should reassess how they approach that vigilance and to alert their children of those dangers.</p>
<p>Knowledge is the best way to protect your children and although you should not traumatize your child with tales of water horrors, neither should you candy coat the dangers.  Below are a few tips for  reminding your children about the dangers of rivers, ditches and lakes.</p>
<ul>
<li>Don&#8217;t discuss safe water practices without having some reference to point to unless the topic comes up in everyday dialogue.  If you are out for a walk or are running errands with your child and you happen to pass a body of water then it is a good time to mention the height of the water and that it is not safe to venture near that river.  This gives your child a frame of reference and you can use it when you get home to further discuss the dangers of water. </li>
<li>Keep the dialogue age appropriate.  Don&#8217;t go into a long explanation about under currents, run off, and water heights unless they are old enough to grasp the concepts.</li>
<li>Explain how the river is dangerous for everyone, including grown ups.  My children know that if something is dangerous for adults too, then it is serious.</li>
<li>Teach your children how to stay clear of rivers by informing them that the flooded banks and bridges are just as dangerous as the rivers themselves.</li>
<li>Remind your children that water hazards exist even in small streams and ditches since they can become flooded as well in the spring.  Also explain how the dranage pipes can create a current that will pull a child or an adult into them. </li>
<li>Know where your child is going if you live near a river.  When they go out to a friends or on their own, remind them about the rules over the river and other water hazards.</li>
</ul>
<p>Spring runoffs can create a potential disaster for any unsuspecting person, whether they are adults or children.  Giving your child the knowledge and the guidelines to follow will only give them the knowledge that they need to be safe. </p>
<p>Sirena Van Schaik</p>


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		<title>Teaching Family Values Conclusion</title>
		<link>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/03/27/teaching-family-values-conclusion/</link>
		<comments>http://thatparentplace.com/2008/03/27/teaching-family-values-conclusion/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:59:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>sirenavs</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Between Parents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Infant Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Preschool Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Preteen Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[School-Age Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Teenage Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Toddler Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Children]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[donating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[empathy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family values]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sponsoring]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tips]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://thatparentplace.com/2008/03/27/teaching-family-values-conclusion/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/03/27/teaching-family-values-conclusion/"><img align="left" hspace="5" width="150" height="150" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/fallfamily-150x150.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="fallfamily.jpg" title="" /></a>Welcome to the final post that I will be making on the topic of morals and family values.  I&#8217;m sure you are more than ready to move onto a new topic and tomorrow I will have a great recipe for you to use at home. But back to our topic on teaching morals and family [...]


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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img border="0" vspace="3" align="left" src="http://thatparentplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/fallfamily.jpg" hspace="3" alt="fallfamily.jpg" />Welcome to the final post that I will be making on the topic of morals and family values.  I&#8217;m sure you are more than ready to move onto a new topic and tomorrow I will have a great recipe for you to use at home.</p>
<p>But back to our topic on teaching morals and family values.  If you remember, I started this topic with my post <a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/03/24/what-are-we-teaching-our-kids/">here</a> and I also talked about things a parent can do, <a href="http://thatparentplace.com/2008/03/25/family-values-part-two/">here</a>.  Now let&#8217;s talk about what you can do with your child.</p>
<ul>
<li>Try not to focus on material gain or feeding egocentricity.  I was guilty of this when my oldest started JK and it was really the result of my own fears that he might be picked on or bullied.  At the beginning of his first year, I was constantly told how empathetic my son was and how he would often take children who were having a hard time adjusting under his wing.  I heard wonderful comments like, &#8220;If it wasn&#8217;t for Jake (my son), the first few month&#8217;s of Timmy&#8217;s school year would have been horrible.&#8221; (I have changed the names of both children for privacy reasons.)  After a while, I forgot about reaffirming his compassionate nature and began worrying about how popular he was. If a child in his class had the latest and greatest toy, I would run out and make sure that my son had the same toy.  When he came home from school, I often centralized my questions about his day around extrinsic influences and things that he got and I began to focus less on the values I had already set in place. Fast forward a year and I had a child that primarily cared about feeding his own needs without thinking of others.  I had to do some major damage control and change the way that I approached things.  I can&#8217;t really blame him for much of the problems since I was illustrating to him that it was more important to have than to give but after some rough patches, we have begun to see some of his natural compassion again.  The thing to remember in this is that children are egocentric creatures and for a period of time, and that is perfectly okay, but parents need to explain and illustrate times when that egocentricity is not okay.  So the lesson on this is &#8220;Don&#8217;t focus on what your child doesn&#8217;t have, but focus on the less concrete items, such as the love and friendships that he or she does have. </li>
<li>Donate items from your home to Goodwill or another cause.  I don&#8217;t have garage sales and this is partly to do with the fact that I&#8217;m just not a big fan but the main reason why I don&#8217;t have garage sales is that the money that I can make from a garage sale can be better used by places like Goodwill or the Salvation army.  When you donate to these places, it is best to have your child take one or two toys (or more if they are drowning in toys) and place them into a bin to take down to the drop box.  Make sure you give some of your items away so your child doesn&#8217;t feel this is a one sided deal that they are the only ones that has to suffer through the giving.  Things like old furniture, shoes, and clothing are great choices and I&#8217;m sure you have lots of all three that you don&#8217;t use anymore.  I like to go through the items in January right after they have received a whole bunch of new toys over the holidays.  This way, they are more likely to give up an older unused toy since they have to make room anyways.  Other times that I do this are in the spring and fall and usually coincide with my big spring and fall clean up to remove clutter.</li>
<li>Volunteer with your child.  When I was a Cub Scout leader, another leader in my group also volunteered their time at the local soup kitchen on a weekly basis.  Although her 13 year old son wasn&#8217;t involved every week with her, he did come down once a month where he would help serve the food.  For them, volunteering served many purposes but the main thread of reasoning was that he learned through example that giving one&#8217;s time for those less fortunate is a great thing to do and he also became aware of people that needed help and how he could affect them for the better.</li>
<li>Sponsor a child or a cause.  This is something that I do personally with my family and my oldest son takes the time to send letters to the child in Kenya that we sponsor.  It doesn&#8217;t seem like much but it has opened up a lot of awareness in my children on how there are those that are much less fortunate than we are.  Being able to converse through letters brings the message home and it has had a lot more affect than simply dropping items off at a drop box.  There is a face that goes along with the giving and a voice that can be heard through the letters.  Take the time and talk to your child about what they want to sponsor.  This is a great way to teach morals, family values and also provides opportunity to learn about the world together.  My oldest wanted to learn everything about all the countries that needed help before we decided as a family on Kenya.  So change not only one life but your families as well by sponsoring a child or a cause. </li>
<li>Give a gift at Christmas.  Even if you don&#8217;t celebrate Christmas, there is nothing wrong with giving a gift to a toy drive during the season.  If you do celebrate, I would encourage not only giving a gift of your own but also having your child go out and purchase a gift to give (with their own allowance).  My oldest son chaffed at this the first year but my youngest only grumbles about how he doesn&#8217;t have enough money to buy more.  Have your child drop it off at the toy drive so he or she can be part of the whole process.</li>
<li>Have open dialogue.  Nothing helps build values better than having an open dialogue with your child.  Answer their questions, share your own views on morals and values and let there be give and take conversations.  All the steps above offer ample opportunities for open dialogues.</li>
<li>Finally, don&#8217;t stress if your child doesn&#8217;t always follow the morals and values that you have so diligently worked on instilling.  It takes time and everyone makes mistakes, I know I do, so don&#8217;t expect your child to grasp all the values perfectly and don&#8217;t beat yourself up when they do.</li>
</ul>
<p>If you have anymore tips on instilling family values, please feel free to comment.</p>
<p>Sirena</p>


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