Jean Piaget (1896 t0 1980) was born in Neuchatel Switzerland.  He studied the Cognitive Development of first animals then humans.  Like Freud and Erikson, Piaget believed that a number of developmental milestones occur throughout childhood.  He group his Theory of Cognitive Development into 4 stages: Sensorimotor Stage, Preoperational Stage, Concrete Operational Stage, and Formal Operational Stage.  

Piaget also went on to identify Schema, which are structures that allow a child to gain knowledge.  Each level of development had a different schema such as the sucking relex in infants.  When something does not fit an existing schema, such as the first time a child eats solid food without needing to suck, it presents a problem where the child must learn to adapt. 

Piaget believed that cognitive ability was an inborn trait that deals with adapting to the world around it.  He also believed that children learned through two different means.  These were assimilation, where the child learns by using and adapting an already existing schema, such as sucking moves to the developmental stage where a child mouths objects, and accommodation, where a child will change her schema to accommodate the encounter. 

 Now that I touched on Piaget, let’s look at each of his stages separately.

Piaget’s Stage of Cognitive Development:

• Sensorimotor Stage:  This stage occurred during the age of birth to 2 years of age.  It is the stage where a child’s cognitive development is encouraged by the senses and the child’s movement.  Piaget went on to break this stage into 6 sub-stages.
  • Reflexes:  This is the stage when the infant is still relying on reflexes to understand the world around him.  Things like the Morro Reflex, which is when a child startles, or the Rooting Reflex, when the baby turns its head when the cheek is stroked. 
  • Primary Circular Reactions: Occurs between the ages of 1 to 4 months of age and is the stage where the child will do something unintentionally but will repeat it to form a new schema. 
  • Secondary Circular Reactions:  This next stage occurs between the ages of 4 to 8 months and it is when the child will use an action, and repeat it, to see a reaction from the world around him.  Things like pointing to a bottle will trigger the response of mom or dad to give her a bottle. 
  • Coordination of Reactions: Occurring between 8 and 12 months, this is the stage where the child will intentionally use a schema and may begin to combine schemas together to start exploring the world around her.
  • Tertiary Circular Reaction: 12 to 18 months of age is when you will see this sub-stage and it is basically your child trying to figure out the world around him through trial and error style of learning.
  • Early Representational Thought: This sub-stage occurs between 18 to 24 months and is the period where the child begins thinking with symbolic representation.  Exploration of the world around him is no longer through actions but is through thought as well.
• Preoperational Stage:  This stage occurs during the ages of 2 to 7 years old and it is the stage where the child’s language is significantly developed.  In this stage, children are using representational objects for the world around them and they are unable to understand concrete logic.  Piaget identified this stage of development as the one where children are egocentric. 
• Concrete Operational Stage: Occurring between the ages of 7 to 11 years old, this is the stage where children begin to develop their logical thinking.  They can understand the concrete operations of the world around them but they have a harder time understanding abstract thinking.
• Formal Operational Stage:  This is the stage that goes from 11 years and throughout adulthood.  It is the stage where a person is able to think in abstract ways and also able to use deductive reasoning.

There are many pros and cons to Piaget’s theories and it is important to note that while Piaget had some excellent points to make about the importance of education and the cognitive development, there were some weaknesses to his theory.  One of the biggest weaknesses is the fact that most of his work focused on the development of his own children.  He also failed to consider differences in culture, emotional and personal development and also on the differences in education systems.  Lastly, Piaget often underestimated the abilities of the children that he was studying.

So there is a rather long summary of Jean Piaget.  Please check back in a few weeks and I will go over behaviourists.

Sirena Van Schaik

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I was horrified, “How couldn’t they notice, I looked like a gorilla.”

Of course, it wasn’t that bad but my sister, who is 4 years older, was on my side. She had been allowed to shave at 12 and she was allowed many other liberties that my mom was not allowing me. She felt the unfairness of the situation and in all fairness to my mom, I think she was having a hard time with the fact that the baby of the family was finally growing up.

Finally, after a desperate plea, my mom sighed in resignation and said, “If you want to shave, I can’t stop you but I’m not showing you how to do it.”

That probably would have ended the debate completely since I was nervous about taking a razor to my legs without any guidance but my sister took me into the bathroom on the first day back to school and showed me how to shave. My mom didn’t say anything but I think she was a little disappointed that I had taken another step towards womanhood.

And this brings me to the grooming debate. My mom had held out for as long as she could with me but mob mentality won the day in my house, although it was a long hard battle.  I am grateful that she held out for as long as she did because once I started shaving, I saw the error of my ways and often wondered why I had wanted to start in the first place.

Today, more and more girls are not only being encouraged but also pressured by their mom’s to start shaving and even waxing at a young age.  This doesn’t stop with just the legs and the armpits but also extends to the bikini and even a Brazilian body wax and children have even begun this ritual at the young age of 9.

I’m know there is a big push for grooming but when is it too young and what message are we sending our children.  Is it not better to wait until the child is ready or at least make her wait until she has developed enough to warrant shaving?  When is waiting going too far?

For me, 13 was too long to wait but for my sister, who start puberty at 9, 12 was even longer.  It is important to encourage good grooming practices in young teen girls but in many ways, parents are going to far.  Young girls are going for spa treatments to look younger (not sure why you would want to look younger at that age since I always wanted to look older) and are encouraged to do so by their mothers.

I don’t think a nice pedicure or manicure (age appropriate) is an inappropriate mother and daughter outing but anything else is really not necessary.

Although I have my own feelings in the matter, I would love to share this article with you.  The writer, Carrie Denny, really illustrates what is going on and does the topic much more justice than I could possible do.

So what age do you think is too young?  How much of an encouragement should we give our kids when it comes to grooming?  Should we step back, relax and not pressure them into being the next glamour girl?

Sirena Van Schaik

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Of course, I am probably in the minority of people who feel this way, although I know other liked minded individuals are out there, and when it comes to teens, in particular, there are a greater number of teens watching what their favorite stars are doing so they can emulate them in some manner or another.

So why am I going on about celebrities? It all goes back to the OK! Magazine that featured Jamie Lynn Spears and her new baby girl. Sure that seems pretty innocent. A young girl happily posing with her baby. We have seen hundreds of celebrity moms in the same pose on the cover of that very same magazine. The main problems are:

1. The caption with the photograph, “Being a mom is the best feeling in the world!” – Ok! Weekly, July 2008
2. She is only 17 years old.

Yes, I agree with the caption. Being a mom is a wonderful experience and although I will never hold it against anyone for having a child as a teen, my mother was 16 when she gave me up for adoption, I have a problem with the fact that magazines are turning this into something hip and easy that all girls should try.

“Like, oh my gawd, did you try that new cherry lip balm? Completely amazing. Oh, I haven’t tried the lip balm but being pregnant, and like a mom, is the best high in the world, even better than lip balm. Oh, my gawd, really? Yeah, completely.”

I know, my teen lingo is probably completely dated and I’m sure that this conversation does not occur verbatim but there are many conversations out there that should be occurring that aren’t. These are the conversations at home where parents discuss sexual education and teaching their children about birth control.

On top of those helpful tips, it is very important to stress that being pregnant is not a new “in” thing to do. In a school in New England, it is believed that a group of girls made a pact to become pregnant. A large number of girls becoming pregnant in a small town is is not as uncommon an occurrence as you may think, although the pact may be. When I myself was 15, I moved away from the small town that I was living in. Just before I left, one of my friends found out that she was pregnant and she wasn’t sure what she was going to do. A year and a half later I went back for a visit and found out my friend had kept the baby and 8 other friends were either pregnant or had just had a baby. In a town of just over 6000 residents, that is a high number of pregnancies for just one year.

On top of the regular pressures, when teens are flooded with images of a perky, happily pregnant 16 year old who has the perfect baby shower, also published in the magazine, an exciting delivery and an amazing end result with a huge payday for photos, many girls begin to see the possibility of starting a family early without the ramifications behind the act.

In the US alone, just under one million teen pregnancies will occur this year. Of these pregnancies, roughly 95% are unplanned and one third are aborted. (Teen Pregnancy Rates in the USA by Victor C. Strasburger, MD.  2008, http://www.coolnurse.com/teen_pregnancy_rates.htm) This equates to a lot of risk, heartache and cost for society in the whole. Not to mention the health risks that are involved with teen pregnancy. These can be:

• low birth rate for the baby.
• complications during delivery
• fetal death or the baby could be stillborn.
• anemia
• high-blood pressure

It is these facts that parents should discuss with children. Although the long term consequences of the action, the monetary, and the “real” life problems that will occur should also be discussed, the here and now problems are the ones that will affect a teen’s decision more.  The inability to finish classes, the risks to her body and the risks to the baby may deter her from trying to get pregnant or from not practicing safe sex.

Lastly, it is important to let your child know that you are there for her. That you love her and will support her if something does happen. If your teen does become pregnant, there is no point to rage and scream about it –although not doing so is probably much easier said than done — and instead, you should work together to figure out all the options and what is the best one for you, your teen daughter and the baby she is carrying.

For more information on speaking to teens about sex, visit this post and for more information on teen pregnancy, I would strongly recommend http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/teen_pregnancy.html and http://www.coolnurse.com/teen_pregnancy_rates.htm

Sirena Van Schaik

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If you want to review the first part of these posts, please click here but to give you a recap, Freud is the father of psychoanalysis and he believed that the human personality was made up of three parts: The Id, the Superego and the Ego. Each one works to temper the other and the ego works the hardest to fulfill the needs of the Id.

Freud also went on to explain the stages of development which included Oral, Anal, Phallic, Latency and Genital stages. Each one occurs at a specific age of development and if you are interested in learning more, please read Theorists of Child Development Part One.

So why the little recap on Freud, the main reason is that Erik Erikson (1902-1994) was a psychoanalyst that not only studied Freud’s theories but expanded them. He felt that our development was affected by the social and cultural influences that are around us. He also believed that even a child who suffered during some of the developmental stages has the ability to overcome the obstacles and deficits from the earlier stages.

Erik Erikson felt that each stage in development was faced with a crisis and that successfully overcoming the crisis would help build the skills necessary to good mental health. He also believed that each resolution was a combination of both positive and negative experiences and the key was to find a balance between the two.

Many of the theories of child development are the result of Erik Erikson’s work and for the purpose of this post, I will look at the developmental stages that Erik Erikson identified and a short little explanation of each one.

Erik Erikson had 8 stages of development, but he did not focus on child development only. These stages span the entire life of a person from infancy until old age and ultimately death. For the purpose of this blog, I am going to stick to the stages of development which affect children from infancy until 18 years of age.

Erikson’s Stages of Development:

• Trust vs Mistrust: Since Erik Erikson looked at the outcome at the end of a stage, his stages are labelled differently than other theorists. He believed that the ego would suffer or benefit from each stage and gave the desired outcome to the stage. For Trust vs Mistrust, it is fairly obvious that the positive outcome would be trust while the negative outcome would be mistrust. This stage occurs between the ages of birth to 18 months and is the stage when a child learns that his needs will be met. The bonding that goes on between parent (or primary caregiver) and child is important to fostering the trust necessary to build on greater self esteem and self worth later in the child’s development. If needs are not met or the child is not held, comforted or cared for properly, mistrust begins to form and can lead to even more detrimental feelings as the child grows.
• Autonomy vs Shame: This stage occurs between the ages of 18 months and 3 years of age and as you may have guessed, this is the toddler stage where children will begin the process of autonomy. Toilet training occurs during this stage, along with many exciting and frustrating aspects of development such as dressing and feeding one self. If there is a balance of positive experiences, a child will come through this stage with not only autonomy but a strong feeling of self esteem. If the experiences are negative, such as parents becoming frustrated and angry at potty accidents during toilet training, feelings of shame will be evident.
• Initiative vs Guilt: Spanning the ages of 3 to 5, this stage is when children begin to take the initiative in activities. This may be small things or they may be large but the key is that children are taking the lead and parents are allowing them to do so (as long as everyone is safe). If initiative is not allowed or encouraged feelings of guilt may occur, and as with all the other stages, may lead to feelings of worthlessness.
• Industry vs Inferiority: Occurring between the ages of 6 and 12, children are beginning to branch out and interact with peers and at school. There are moments of industry where the child is learning and creating and there are moments when children may feel a little inferior to the other people around them. A balance between both builds on feelings of competency.
• Identity vs Role Confusion: The teen years are always confusing no matter how well the other stages of development went. During the ages of 12 and 18, children are in a limbo of sorts where they are expected to act more grown up, actually feel the need to do so, but are still limited in what they can do since they are not grown up. It is a stage where limits are tested, more than others, self identity as both an individual and a peer takes place and morality is developed on a more personal level. It is no longer a simple matter of “Because my parents said it was wrong.” Again, self esteem, self worth, independence and many other traits can be harmed if there are too many negative experiences.

Erik Erikson went on to explore stages after these but they deal with adult development and not child development. It is interesting to note that for all of these stages, Erik Erikson identified key relationships that are important in the development of the child. From infancy to the age of 6, the important relationships are with parents and family. After 6 there is a shift in relationships from family to school to peers, and although family is still important it is not the key relationship.

So that is it for Erik Erikson, in a few weeks, I will look at Jean Piaget and go over his theories. After that, I will touch on a few other theorists, although not in the length that I have done with Erikson and Freud.

Sirena Van Schaik

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No, America’s Next Top Model is one of those guilty little pleasures but it doesn’t seem to have as many calories.  Still, as I watch these shows, I shudder at the messages that young girls are getting over body image.  These girls that are deemed “beautiful” are a size 1 (and that is probably pushing it.)  They are stick thin and although they are very pretty, they shouldn’t be what women aspire to become. 

I know that they have episodes where they stress eating and they try to show the girls eating at least 3 times in a show but you have judges making comments about being overweight.  One such inference was when a judge commented on Whitney, the plus sized model, being a ham. 

Now plus sized models get to me as well, for the simple fact that they are regular sized women that are called plus sized.  Whitney is a size 11 and since when is a size 11 a plus sized clothing line. 

So where am I going with this rant?  Very simply put, it is important to notice how media is influencing your children.  There is no way to really shield them since skinny women are every where in magazines and on commercials.  Girls aspire to be thin and beautiful and corporations bank on that. 

Since you can’t shield your child, even your teen.  It is important to discuss healthy weight and how to maintain it.  If your daughter is worried about becoming overweight, discuss a meal plan at home where everyone can eat healthy and stay fit.  You could also enrol in a exercise class so you can keep an eye on how she is managing her weight.  If she gets too skinny, you have the knowledge to intervene and get her back on track.

Above all else, tell your daughter that she is beautiful and that being too skinny isn’t beautiful at all. 

I will have more information on healthy weights, body images and other issues that concern media and how it affects children over the next few weeks. 

Until then, happy and healthy eating.

Sirena Van Schaik

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The reason why I am opening with this article about JK Rowling is that many newspapers failed to mention the following statement  “Seeking to remove any stigma that might be attached to seeking counseling, Rowing now advises all those suffering from depression to “go and get help.”"(People)

This is basically the best advice that you can really give anyone that is suffering from depression, seek help, but what happens when the person who is suffering from depression is a teenager or a child.  How do they seek help and where do they get it from.

As surprising as it may seem, children as young as 6 can suffer from depression.  In fact, 1 in 10 children can have various levels of depression (Depression and Children, Canadian Mental Health Association Edmonton Region, 2005).  Depression in children can be fairly difficult to determine and many people mistake it for disorders such as ADHD. 

A child that is depressed usually exhibit the following symptoms:

• Change in appetite
• Irritability
• Fatigue
• Loss of Energy
• Loss of Interest in activities
• Change in sleep patterns

You may also notice that your child expresses a sense of hopelessness, guilt, low self esteem, worthlessness and may talk about death. 

Child depression is a stigma and many people do not want to admit to the fact that it does occur.  Like many unpleasant topics, it is easier to just brush off symptoms or to ignore the existence of problems since it is hard to fathom what any child between the ages of 6 and 12 could possibly be depressed about. 

It is very important for your child that you understand the symptoms of depression and to take the time to discuss his or her feelings with him.  It is also important to understand that how you react to depression and negative feelings will also affect how he or she reacts to their own depression.  It is an ugly word that really should be brought to light since so many children express unhappiness or even darker thoughts.

The key to a happy childhood isn’t in ignoring the fact that sadness does happen but is in fact when parents understand and take the time to show that they care about how their children feel, even when those feelings are not the happy, silver lined feelings that we like to pretend are a staple of childhood.  Remember that the very best parents are not the ones that shower presents on their kids and give them everything that they could ever want or need but they are the ones that take the time to simply stay quiet for a moment and listen. 

If you would like to learn more about childhood depression, please visit:

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry or Canadian Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Sirena Van Schaik

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That question usually comes around the age of four or five, sometimes earlier, sometimes later.  I know for me, my oldest did not ask it when I was pregnant with my second child – when I was all prepared to answer it - and it wasn’t until my dog Petey was at a breeding facility that the question arose.  (In case you are wondering, Petey, a purebred Labrador Retriever, was donated to National Service Dogs breeding program.  He produced seven beautiful puppies (before coming home to us) who went on to work as guide dogs for children with Autism.)  My heart gave a little jump at the thought of answering the question but I plowed ahead, editing out some parts and obscuring others but basically giving the general idea of how a puppy was conceived.  I kept it very age appropriate and the wonderful thing about children is that they will give cues as to what is too much information and what isn’t.

Most parents feel relief when they finally answer that question and often believe that they do not have to deal with any more questions about conception or for that matter, sex.  Unfortunately, there will be a time when every parent needs to have ”the talk” and with popular culture being what it is, they won’t be able to get away with the whole birds and bees and the wonderful storks story.

It is hard to believe but in many places, the age of consent can be as low as 14.  That means that when a child, and I truly believe they are still children at that age, is 14, he or she can give the consent to have intercourse.  This is always shocking since our country does not believe that a child is responsible enough to make the decision to vote until they are 18 and are not responsible enough to drink until they are 19 (parts of Canada) or older but our legal system believes they are responsible enough to make an informed decision about sex.

This being said, it is very important for all parents to start having “the talk” in unstructured ways when their child is young.  This means that you answer questions in age appropriate ways whenever your child brooches the subject.  As they mature, they will understand that you are open to these dialogues and will seek out your advice much more than they seek out their peers or society when it comes to sex questions.

Another tip is to be completely open about the risks involved in intercourse.  Giving children all the tools to properly protect themselves is the best way to ensure the safety of your teens when and if they become sexually active.  If they are aware of STD’s, teen pregnancy and the ways to protect themselves then they are more likely to use protection. 

One problem that many parents face is the fact that they do not want to discuss birth control and STD prevention with their daughter(s).  Many girls are often pressured into believing that if they don’t have sex without a condom, they won’t be liked by the boy they are contemplating intercourse with.  Anther belief that many girls have is that birth control, besides the pill, is the responsibility of the boy and  if they are the ones providing the condoms, they will be looked down on.  It is very important to teach your daughter that she is responsible for her own safety and any boy that will not have intercourse with her simply because she is simply protecting herself from an STD is not worth her time.

Of course, we all hope that our children will never, ever, ever have intercourse and that all our grandchildren will actually be miracle baby’s but the logical side of us knows that that just isn’t going to happen.  Starting out on the right foot by having open discussions with your child throughout his or her life and also having more in-depth conversations with them when they reach their teen years, will help your child make the best decision regarding his or her own sex life.  It is scary and they are conversations that we wish we never have to make but don’t worry, you will get through it and your child will have the best possible start when they begin the gradual shift into adulthood.

All the best and if you would like any more advice, I would strongly recommend this article: Talking Sex with Teens.

Sirena

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But back to our topic on teaching morals and family values.  If you remember, I started this topic with my post here and I also talked about things a parent can do, here.  Now let’s talk about what you can do with your child.

• Try not to focus on material gain or feeding egocentricity.  I was guilty of this when my oldest started JK and it was really the result of my own fears that he might be picked on or bullied.  At the beginning of his first year, I was constantly told how empathetic my son was and how he would often take children who were having a hard time adjusting under his wing.  I heard wonderful comments like, “If it wasn’t for Jake (my son), the first few month’s of Timmy’s school year would have been horrible.” (I have changed the names of both children for privacy reasons.)  After a while, I forgot about reaffirming his compassionate nature and began worrying about how popular he was. If a child in his class had the latest and greatest toy, I would run out and make sure that my son had the same toy.  When he came home from school, I often centralized my questions about his day around extrinsic influences and things that he got and I began to focus less on the values I had already set in place. Fast forward a year and I had a child that primarily cared about feeding his own needs without thinking of others.  I had to do some major damage control and change the way that I approached things.  I can’t really blame him for much of the problems since I was illustrating to him that it was more important to have than to give but after some rough patches, we have begun to see some of his natural compassion again.  The thing to remember in this is that children are egocentric creatures and for a period of time, and that is perfectly okay, but parents need to explain and illustrate times when that egocentricity is not okay.  So the lesson on this is “Don’t focus on what your child doesn’t have, but focus on the less concrete items, such as the love and friendships that he or she does have. 
• Donate items from your home to Goodwill or another cause.  I don’t have garage sales and this is partly to do with the fact that I’m just not a big fan but the main reason why I don’t have garage sales is that the money that I can make from a garage sale can be better used by places like Goodwill or the Salvation army.  When you donate to these places, it is best to have your child take one or two toys (or more if they are drowning in toys) and place them into a bin to take down to the drop box.  Make sure you give some of your items away so your child doesn’t feel this is a one sided deal that they are the only ones that has to suffer through the giving.  Things like old furniture, shoes, and clothing are great choices and I’m sure you have lots of all three that you don’t use anymore.  I like to go through the items in January right after they have received a whole bunch of new toys over the holidays.  This way, they are more likely to give up an older unused toy since they have to make room anyways.  Other times that I do this are in the spring and fall and usually coincide with my big spring and fall clean up to remove clutter.
• Volunteer with your child.  When I was a Cub Scout leader, another leader in my group also volunteered their time at the local soup kitchen on a weekly basis.  Although her 13 year old son wasn’t involved every week with her, he did come down once a month where he would help serve the food.  For them, volunteering served many purposes but the main thread of reasoning was that he learned through example that giving one’s time for those less fortunate is a great thing to do and he also became aware of people that needed help and how he could affect them for the better.
• Sponsor a child or a cause.  This is something that I do personally with my family and my oldest son takes the time to send letters to the child in Kenya that we sponsor.  It doesn’t seem like much but it has opened up a lot of awareness in my children on how there are those that are much less fortunate than we are.  Being able to converse through letters brings the message home and it has had a lot more affect than simply dropping items off at a drop box.  There is a face that goes along with the giving and a voice that can be heard through the letters.  Take the time and talk to your child about what they want to sponsor.  This is a great way to teach morals, family values and also provides opportunity to learn about the world together.  My oldest wanted to learn everything about all the countries that needed help before we decided as a family on Kenya.  So change not only one life but your families as well by sponsoring a child or a cause. 
• Give a gift at Christmas.  Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, there is nothing wrong with giving a gift to a toy drive during the season.  If you do celebrate, I would encourage not only giving a gift of your own but also having your child go out and purchase a gift to give (with their own allowance).  My oldest son chaffed at this the first year but my youngest only grumbles about how he doesn’t have enough money to buy more.  Have your child drop it off at the toy drive so he or she can be part of the whole process.
• Have open dialogue.  Nothing helps build values better than having an open dialogue with your child.  Answer their questions, share your own views on morals and values and let there be give and take conversations.  All the steps above offer ample opportunities for open dialogues.
• Finally, don’t stress if your child doesn’t always follow the morals and values that you have so diligently worked on instilling.  It takes time and everyone makes mistakes, I know I do, so don’t expect your child to grasp all the values perfectly and don’t beat yourself up when they do.

If you have anymore tips on instilling family values, please feel free to comment.

Sirena

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I guess I should say that I was actually ranting but you’ll forgive me my flaws.  I am after all human and as both a human and a parent I am allowed my foibles.  Actually, parents are allowed to have many flaws and teaching children that we are as flawed as the next person is a great way to build family values.  The whole, “If I’m not perfect, then you don’t have to be either.”

On the topic of those little eyes that are watching every mistake we make, parents should be aware of what their children are picking up.  I could spout Piaget or Erikson but there are enough articles stating the psychological ramifications of parents’ actions.  We know that children learn through observation.  They watch, listen and touch to figure out the world around them and their place in it and they learn through the actions of their parents, regardless of what is said. 

The old adage, “Do what I say and not as I do,” was never good advice and it still isn’t.  So let’s look at some things you can do.

• Pull out the old lessons about manners and use them.  You remember those things your mother (or father) used to bark at you like a deranged drill sergeant. “Chew with your mouth closed,” “Elbows off the table,” “Show respect for your elders.”  I’m sure that you bark those same lessons about everyday manners to your own children but without using them yourself, you success at teaching your children will be pretty low.
• Show compassion for others.  This can be done a number of ways and can really start at home with how you interact with your family and the respect and caring you give your spouse and your children. It can also start with simple things like helping out a friend in need or smiling at a stranger in the grocery store.  You could also give change to someone needing it or opening a door for someone.  Anything that shows that you are thinking about the needs of others and that you care enough to commit small acts of kindness.  One note, however; is that you need to explain to your child that talking to strangers is dangerous and he or she should never talk to a stranger without your express permission or without you standing there.
• Donate.  Whether it’s your time or your money, donating will provide opportunities for you to demonstrate selflessness.  This is an excellent way to build empathy and to bond with your child when you include him or her, but more on that tomorrow.
• Key down the road rage…or any rage for that matter.  I know that it can be hard, especially when you spend 20 minutes with some guy tailgaiting you only to have him pass and then cut you off.  Giving into road rage sets an example for your children that it is okay to react with rage.  If I had reacted to the woman with the shopping cart, see What are we teaching our kids?, by throwing my arms up and yelling, “You idiot! Why the heck don’t you watch where you are going?”  I would have taught my children that you can be abusive and disrespectful to others.  If there is no respect for others then you can’t expect empathy or compassion.

These are only a few tips and I will have more on what you can do with your child to build family values but until then; what tips do you have?

Sirena

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