Jean Piaget (1896 t0 1980) was born in Neuchatel Switzerland.  He studied the Cognitive Development of first animals then humans.  Like Freud and Erikson, Piaget believed that a number of developmental milestones occur throughout childhood.  He group his Theory of Cognitive Development into 4 stages: Sensorimotor Stage, Preoperational Stage, Concrete Operational Stage, and Formal Operational Stage.  

Piaget also went on to identify Schema, which are structures that allow a child to gain knowledge.  Each level of development had a different schema such as the sucking relex in infants.  When something does not fit an existing schema, such as the first time a child eats solid food without needing to suck, it presents a problem where the child must learn to adapt. 

Piaget believed that cognitive ability was an inborn trait that deals with adapting to the world around it.  He also believed that children learned through two different means.  These were assimilation, where the child learns by using and adapting an already existing schema, such as sucking moves to the developmental stage where a child mouths objects, and accommodation, where a child will change her schema to accommodate the encounter. 

 Now that I touched on Piaget, let’s look at each of his stages separately.

Piaget’s Stage of Cognitive Development:

• Sensorimotor Stage:  This stage occurred during the age of birth to 2 years of age.  It is the stage where a child’s cognitive development is encouraged by the senses and the child’s movement.  Piaget went on to break this stage into 6 sub-stages.
  • Reflexes:  This is the stage when the infant is still relying on reflexes to understand the world around him.  Things like the Morro Reflex, which is when a child startles, or the Rooting Reflex, when the baby turns its head when the cheek is stroked. 
  • Primary Circular Reactions: Occurs between the ages of 1 to 4 months of age and is the stage where the child will do something unintentionally but will repeat it to form a new schema. 
  • Secondary Circular Reactions:  This next stage occurs between the ages of 4 to 8 months and it is when the child will use an action, and repeat it, to see a reaction from the world around him.  Things like pointing to a bottle will trigger the response of mom or dad to give her a bottle. 
  • Coordination of Reactions: Occurring between 8 and 12 months, this is the stage where the child will intentionally use a schema and may begin to combine schemas together to start exploring the world around her.
  • Tertiary Circular Reaction: 12 to 18 months of age is when you will see this sub-stage and it is basically your child trying to figure out the world around him through trial and error style of learning.
  • Early Representational Thought: This sub-stage occurs between 18 to 24 months and is the period where the child begins thinking with symbolic representation.  Exploration of the world around him is no longer through actions but is through thought as well.
• Preoperational Stage:  This stage occurs during the ages of 2 to 7 years old and it is the stage where the child’s language is significantly developed.  In this stage, children are using representational objects for the world around them and they are unable to understand concrete logic.  Piaget identified this stage of development as the one where children are egocentric. 
• Concrete Operational Stage: Occurring between the ages of 7 to 11 years old, this is the stage where children begin to develop their logical thinking.  They can understand the concrete operations of the world around them but they have a harder time understanding abstract thinking.
• Formal Operational Stage:  This is the stage that goes from 11 years and throughout adulthood.  It is the stage where a person is able to think in abstract ways and also able to use deductive reasoning.

There are many pros and cons to Piaget’s theories and it is important to note that while Piaget had some excellent points to make about the importance of education and the cognitive development, there were some weaknesses to his theory.  One of the biggest weaknesses is the fact that most of his work focused on the development of his own children.  He also failed to consider differences in culture, emotional and personal development and also on the differences in education systems.  Lastly, Piaget often underestimated the abilities of the children that he was studying.

So there is a rather long summary of Jean Piaget.  Please check back in a few weeks and I will go over behaviourists.

Sirena Van Schaik

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As with adults, or any age for that matter, each milestone is reached after the skills are built to reach it. This means that developmentally the child needs to be ready, both physically and intellectually, for the milestone to occur. Once the milestone has occurred, the child must continue to use it, to practice the skill and to build upon it. A child learns to sit up, then to pull him self up and then to stand without assistance.

The same building of skills can be said with fine motor skills. A child begins with a Palmer grasp which evolves into a pincer grasp and the more practice a child has with using a skill, the faster it develops.

I have found over the years, that cutting is one skill that is often ignored by parents. This is an excellent skill to build on and it helps the child build in many developmental areas. Obviously, one of the skills built upon with using scissors are fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination but did you also know that scissors also help with spatial awareness, since the child needs to judge the distance between the scissors and the paper. It also builds on coordination and allows opportunities for a child to learn how to use their thumb and pointer finger in a smooth motion.

As with the gain of any skill, if the child is successful, this builds more self-confidence and a higher sense of esteem…and all of this is from a silly pair of scissors. Amazing, right?

Now back to actually getting your child to use scissors. I often find that many parents are terrified of allowing their child to use scissors and some of their worries aren’t unfounded. Yes, children have been hurt using scissors but if you have strict rules concerning scissors and are present when the scissors are in use, the likelihood of injury goes down significantly.

When you are getting ready to set up an opportunity for cutting with scissors, there are a few things that you should have. Good child safe scissors are important. Make sure they are sharp enough so they cut well and the child won’t become frustrated with his inability to cut. Next, use cardstock with younger children. The cardstock is less likely to bend in the scissors and the child can cut much easier. As they become more competent with the scissors, you can begin to use regular paper.

After that, simply explain scissor safety with your child. They should never run with scissors, or climb around with them in their hand. Scissors should be pointed away from their body and they need to hold paper far away from the scissors. You will have to correct hand placement every once in a while but they eventually get the picture. As for carrying scissors, teach children to hold the metal of the closed scissors, point down. If your child is young, just place a rule that they are not allowed to carry scissors from their seat but illustrate how to properly carry scissors by doing so yourself.

And now a few exercises with cutting.

Exercise 1:

If you don’t want to start with regular scissors, start with playdough scissors. This will help build the coordination and will provide lots of opportunity for cutting. Although this is a great exercise, it is important for children to also learn how to cut paper since this is a different experience and requires some problem solving.

Exercise 2:

Allow your child to snip cardstock while sitting at a table. Position hands and show him how to use the scissors with a hand over hand technique. Praise, talk about shapes he is cutting out and enjoy the time. Also get ready to settle in for a long time. I find that when children are successful with scissors, they will sit there for a good hour snipping away.

Exercise 3:

Take a large sheet of paper and tape it to the wall on the top. The child sits in front of it and cuts the paper. The wall serves as a guide and helps in keeping the scissors straight. The child also learns about angling his wrist so he can get a smooth cut.

Exercise 4:

Print out some sheets of lines and shapes for your child to cut out. This helps build a lot of coordination and you can also incorporate learning about shapes. Enchanted Learning has several sheets that you can print out for this activity, or you can make them yourself.

Oh, if you are eco-conscious, which is always a good idea, take the little bits of paper and place it in a bits container. When your child wants to do some gluing, take out the bits and let him create murals from the already cut pieces.

Sirena Van Schaik

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I am always amazed at the leaps and strides in development that children have over the first five years of their life. There is so much going on and before you know it, you have a person with a complex personality that can be almost mind boggling. Not only do they have distinct dislikes and likes, they have separate personalities traits depending on where they are.

One of the funniest experiences I had with this was with one 3 year old that I taught. She was a great child in my classroom and every day she would ask me to do her hair, either a french braid, two french braids or a multitude of other hairstyles that I can do. She would go home almost neater in appearance than when she arrived and I would often sing her praises to her mom at pick up time. “Oh, no, there was no problems with little S today. She helped bring down snack and she went to sleep right away at nap and…”

Her mom would stare at me, slack jawed and answer, “Are you sure your talking about my kid? You’re not confusing her with someone else are you?”

The moral to this long story was that S behaved completely different with me than with her parents right down to the hair battle, which was so bad that her parents would ask me to do her hair if something special was going on that evening or weekend.

And that brings me to four-year-olds because even though I was chatting about a three-year-olds personality, hers were nothing compared to the difference that you see in a four-year-olds.

By the time your child is 4, there are a few developmental milestones that you should be seeing. Remember that this is a range of normalcy so there may be things where your child is advanced and things where they are behind. Don’t worry, all children catch up.

• can feel and express many different feelings verbally.
• Is able to take turns and should begin to play cooperatively.
• plays role playing and other imaginary games
• begins to recognize patterns
• is beginning to have more spacial awareness
• grasps the concept of time but not the actual duration.
• able to manipulate scissors
• can use the pincer grip while holding a pencil
• has more control over stopping when he or she is running
• can stand on one foot
• should be able to jump
• can catch and throw a ball
• should be able to dress and undress by himself. He may need assistance with some items.

And the biggest one that all children seem to share regardless of age or developmental milestone: Continues to amaze you each and every day.

Sirena Van Schaik

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If you want to review the first part of these posts, please click here but to give you a recap, Freud is the father of psychoanalysis and he believed that the human personality was made up of three parts: The Id, the Superego and the Ego. Each one works to temper the other and the ego works the hardest to fulfill the needs of the Id.

Freud also went on to explain the stages of development which included Oral, Anal, Phallic, Latency and Genital stages. Each one occurs at a specific age of development and if you are interested in learning more, please read Theorists of Child Development Part One.

So why the little recap on Freud, the main reason is that Erik Erikson (1902-1994) was a psychoanalyst that not only studied Freud’s theories but expanded them. He felt that our development was affected by the social and cultural influences that are around us. He also believed that even a child who suffered during some of the developmental stages has the ability to overcome the obstacles and deficits from the earlier stages.

Erik Erikson felt that each stage in development was faced with a crisis and that successfully overcoming the crisis would help build the skills necessary to good mental health. He also believed that each resolution was a combination of both positive and negative experiences and the key was to find a balance between the two.

Many of the theories of child development are the result of Erik Erikson’s work and for the purpose of this post, I will look at the developmental stages that Erik Erikson identified and a short little explanation of each one.

Erik Erikson had 8 stages of development, but he did not focus on child development only. These stages span the entire life of a person from infancy until old age and ultimately death. For the purpose of this blog, I am going to stick to the stages of development which affect children from infancy until 18 years of age.

Erikson’s Stages of Development:

• Trust vs Mistrust: Since Erik Erikson looked at the outcome at the end of a stage, his stages are labelled differently than other theorists. He believed that the ego would suffer or benefit from each stage and gave the desired outcome to the stage. For Trust vs Mistrust, it is fairly obvious that the positive outcome would be trust while the negative outcome would be mistrust. This stage occurs between the ages of birth to 18 months and is the stage when a child learns that his needs will be met. The bonding that goes on between parent (or primary caregiver) and child is important to fostering the trust necessary to build on greater self esteem and self worth later in the child’s development. If needs are not met or the child is not held, comforted or cared for properly, mistrust begins to form and can lead to even more detrimental feelings as the child grows.
• Autonomy vs Shame: This stage occurs between the ages of 18 months and 3 years of age and as you may have guessed, this is the toddler stage where children will begin the process of autonomy. Toilet training occurs during this stage, along with many exciting and frustrating aspects of development such as dressing and feeding one self. If there is a balance of positive experiences, a child will come through this stage with not only autonomy but a strong feeling of self esteem. If the experiences are negative, such as parents becoming frustrated and angry at potty accidents during toilet training, feelings of shame will be evident.
• Initiative vs Guilt: Spanning the ages of 3 to 5, this stage is when children begin to take the initiative in activities. This may be small things or they may be large but the key is that children are taking the lead and parents are allowing them to do so (as long as everyone is safe). If initiative is not allowed or encouraged feelings of guilt may occur, and as with all the other stages, may lead to feelings of worthlessness.
• Industry vs Inferiority: Occurring between the ages of 6 and 12, children are beginning to branch out and interact with peers and at school. There are moments of industry where the child is learning and creating and there are moments when children may feel a little inferior to the other people around them. A balance between both builds on feelings of competency.
• Identity vs Role Confusion: The teen years are always confusing no matter how well the other stages of development went. During the ages of 12 and 18, children are in a limbo of sorts where they are expected to act more grown up, actually feel the need to do so, but are still limited in what they can do since they are not grown up. It is a stage where limits are tested, more than others, self identity as both an individual and a peer takes place and morality is developed on a more personal level. It is no longer a simple matter of “Because my parents said it was wrong.” Again, self esteem, self worth, independence and many other traits can be harmed if there are too many negative experiences.

Erik Erikson went on to explore stages after these but they deal with adult development and not child development. It is interesting to note that for all of these stages, Erik Erikson identified key relationships that are important in the development of the child. From infancy to the age of 6, the important relationships are with parents and family. After 6 there is a shift in relationships from family to school to peers, and although family is still important it is not the key relationship.

So that is it for Erik Erikson, in a few weeks, I will look at Jean Piaget and go over his theories. After that, I will touch on a few other theorists, although not in the length that I have done with Erikson and Freud.

Sirena Van Schaik

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If you remember, I have already posted about the development of artistic skill already. If you haven’t read it yet or need a refresher, you can read it here.

Just to recap a few things, when I talk about any type of development, I am really looking at a “range of normalcy.” I know that I have mentioned this before but for anyone new that is joining us, I really like to reiterate my points. “Range of normalcy” is a term used to describe an average age range when a child develops a skill or reaches a milestone.

“With art, as with all milestones, a child may fall before or after the range of normalcy. I have seen 5 year olds that are only beginning to grasp the ability to form simple shapes; a skill generally developed between 3 to 4 years and I have also seen 3 year olds using symbolic representation, a skill usually developed at 4 or 5.” -this was taken from my first blog on the first stage of art: Scribbling.

Since I have already written about the first stage, scribbling, I am going to move on to the second stage called Basic Forms.

This stage usually occurs between the ages of 3 and 4 and again, some children may experience this stage sooner or later than what is the expected “range of normalcy.”

Much like the scribbling stage, I probably don’t need to really define what I mean by basic shapes. This is the stage where children begin moving away from scribbles and start forming shapes such as circles, ovals, and all the other shapes that are the staple of geometry.

This is also the stage where children are gaining more control over their fine motor and hand-eye coordination skills. Things are happening both physically and intellecutally which is enabling him to create more concrete drawings and more controlled strokes with the pencil and/or brush.

Like scribbling, this stage is still a very experimental stage in art. It is a gradual progression of experimenting with the lines that he is creating on the page and you will see it throughout that year. The first part of his 3rd year, he will draw circles and ovals and then he will progress into creating the curved line. This can often be referred to as the rainbow stage (at least by me) and I remember with my oldest, his love of drawing rainbows with any type of medium that I gave him. Rainbows was where he saw true manipulation of his lines and it pleased him to not only create one curved line but many connected to each other in a layered pattern. My youngest son is at this stage right now and I am back to a world of rainbows once again.

After he has learned to control his drawings, a child will begin drawing more complex forms such as squares and rectangles.

Also in this stage, a child begins to understand that what he is thinking and feeling is responsible to what he is placing on the paper. He is not going to sit down and say, “I’m going to draw a 5 star hotel with ocean vistas,” but he will sit down and draw a tower of squares. When he is finished, he will often tell you what he drew but it is usually a end thought. Sort of like, “My picture looks like a truck so that is what I drew.”

After this stage is the third and final stage that occurs between 4 and 5. This is considered to be the stage where the child’s first drawings take place and it is the stage where representational art begins.

Until then, I hope you enjoyed this post on your budding artist and I hope that you have already filled your shelves with art materials.

Sirena Van Schaik

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Chances are it will never run the same and you’ll have a few extra parts left over.  Generally, I agree…oh wait a minute, scratch that since I enjoy taking things apart.  It is great to have some understanding on what drives early childhood education and most, if not all, of the discussions that I have on this blog.

There are several theorists that I will be discussing over the weeks but for today I would just like to focus on one theorist, Freud.

I’m sure we all know who Freud is but do you know much about his theories.  Freud is the developer of psychoanalysis, something that many people know.  He believed that the personality was formed of three parts and these are:

• The Id:  this is the subconscious part of the mind that is the pleasure seeker.  Freud believed that it is where all desires and motives come from and that it was present at birth. 
• The Ego:  This is the hard working part of the mind (or personality) that is there to find ways to satisfy the Id.  Freud considered this to be the rational part of the mind.
• The Superego:  This is a person’s morality, the moral compass, which reflectsthe individual’s and societal ideas of acceptable behavior.

And that is pretty much it with Freud in a nut shell.  Now I know that we can go through and elaborate on all of the stages but I’m not an expert in Freudian and I only know the parts that are connected with Early Childhood Education. 

Freud went on from the “personality structures” and identified three stages that occurs during early childhood.  He felt that any difficulties during these stages could and would affect the person’s personality. 

The stages that Freud identified are:

• Oral:  This occurs during infancy from the time when the baby will instinctively suck at birth and throughout the entire process when the baby is exploring items with his mouth (mouthing), up to 18 months. 
• Anal:  This is an important stage where the child is toilet training, usually between 18 months and 3 years, and Freud believed that any problems during this can lead to an “anal” type of personality, i.e., extremely tidy.
• Phallic:  This seems to be the one that most people focus on or remember when it comes to Freud.  This stage occurs when the child begins to explore his body and becomes aware of his body.  Freud believed that this is the stage (usually between 3 and a half to 6 years) when boys develops a rivalry with their father.  This is considered the Oedipus complex.

There are other stages to Freud’s theory including the Latency stage, between ages 6 to puberty, and the Genital Stage, from puberty on, but in regards to early childhood education, the first three are the ones that I focused on. 

And that is it on our first part of theorists of child development.  I will go over them again another day and I will focus on Erik Erikson who extended Freud’s stages.  Now you can all go and study and I will test you on Monday. (Just kidding.) 

Sirena Van Schaik

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If you are wondering where your four year old should be when it comes to language development, then please read this post.  Before you do, however; remember that all children fall in a range of normalcy and will develop their language at a different rate than other children.  Also remember that children that are a younger sibling often talk much later than their older siblings, usually the reason for this is the fact that their older sibling does the talking for them.  Another fact to be aware of is second languages.  Children who are learning two languages in the first five years, their families native tongue and their countries native tongue, may take a bit longer to develop their language skills but don’t worry, in no time they will be able to speak in not one but two languages clearly.

Where your four year old should be in language development:

• Questions, questions and questions: Your four year old should be the quiz master at this age.  He or she should be able to ask where, why, and what and will readily do so much to the frustration of parents.  My son often used the phrase, “Are we there yet?” until I was ready to install a sound proof glass partition in my van, similar to the ones found in limousines that separates the driver from the passengers.  After he realized that I was sick of that question, he adapted it and will often say, “How long until we are there?”  See the difference, it isn’t much better but now that he has learned time, I just point him to the clock, ramble off a time when I think we will be there and he gets to watch the clock without pestering me every 2 seconds.
• Telling stories: Your four year old should be able to tell stories that he or she either makes up or repeats from a favorite story book. On top of that, he or she should be able to sing songs and probably does so on a daily basis if he or she is in a daycare setting.
• Give and take conversations: Your child should be able to have a give and take conversation with you where they are stringing 4 to 6 words together to form a sentence.
• Talk to their toys: Although it may not seem like a big thing, it is important for your child to talk to him or herself, toys and imaginary friends at this age. 
• Talk about themselves: Your four year old should be able to talk about the day he or she had, and about any feelings that he or she may have.  This kind of goes into the give and take conversations and I suggest that you enjoy it now because once they get to elementary school, trying to get any information out of them about their day is like pulling teeth. 
• Give directions:  A four year old should be able to give simple directions. 

 If you are worried about your child’s language development, please speak with your pediatrician. 

There are many ways to encourage your child’s language development but it basically comes down with interactions.  Read to your child, preferrably on a daily basis, enjoy conversations with your child and also give indications that you are listening to them.  Repeat parts of their sentences and when they mispronounce a word, use it in your reply correctly.  Don’t point out that they said it wrong, simply say it the right way.

You will find that language skills will soar when you spend the time in activities that create a healthy bond between you and your child.  Just remember to not rush it and allow your child the opportunity to grow at his or her own rate.

All the best,

Sirena Van Schaik

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When my oldest became focused on Egypt, he couldn’t believe how different the world had been.  The non-fiction facts that we read about seemed like fantastical worlds where people worshiped strange gods and spent their lives building huge monuments under the cruel and demanding sun.  The whole topic was something that he couldn’t get bored of and even to this day (2 years after the fact), he still enjoys learning about Egypt and has plans to become an Archaeologist. 

After Egypt came a whole slew of other history subjects and currently we are working on a project surrounding Canada in World War 1.  Actually, it is Vimy Ridge to be specific and he is hearing things like, “The birthplace of our nation,” and “Canadians invented many practices in combating enemies that are still used today.”  Personally, I was hesitant to work on Vimy Ridge since it is focused on war but when the local museum announced that they were having a model competition for Canadian history, I relented and my son and his dad are making a model of Vimy Ridge.

When you teach your own local and national history, it not only awakens you child to the worlds I already mentioned but it also helps foster an understanding of the community and nation that they come from and helps them develop a sense of national pride.  Being proud of who you are and where you come from is important for everyone and children are no different. 

The only thing that you should consider is whether or not the subject is age appropriate.  If it isn’t or you do not feel that you have any way to make it age appropriate, then you should find a different history topic to choose from.  If you are interested in pursuing history subjects with your child, you should:

• Follow the direction of your child.  He or she will probably choose where they want to learn.  My son started with volcanoes and learned about Pompai and Mount Vesuvius.  That went to Roman Culture, which lead him to Egyptian, Egyptian went to Greek and then Greek somehow shifted to Mayan.  Right now, however; the main focus is Mayan and Egyptian.
• Buy some good history books for kids.  The Usborne library offers many wonderful books and several of their series correlates the pages in the books to child appropriate websites that cover parts of the subject that the book may or may not cover.
• Find some appropriate coloring pages.  I know we found some excellent ones on Roman Legionnaires when we were looking at the Roman Empire and there are tons floating around about everything from daily life to campaigns the empire (or time period) experienced.
• Visit museums.  Many parent’s overlook museums since they believe that a child will have absolutely no interest in them.  My kids have been going to museum’s since they were infants and absolutely love them.  There are so many strange things to look at and my son was overjoyed when we went to the ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) to see a real mummy. 
• Last but certainly not least: Don’t force it.  If your child isn’t interested in history, don’t force him or her to be.  Instead, just wait it out or pick a historical fiction to read to him or her.  Chances are the fiction will peek his or her interest and you can branch off to the non-fiction again.

As my son and husband work on the model, I will post them up and a little how-to’s on model making made easy.  For now, simply enjoy delving into worlds that you can hardly believe existed.

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Of course, I was completely wrong and lo and behold, I have not only one but two children that are extremely picky.  I can only shudder at what my mom had gone through as I recall meals where she would have to seat me beside her and force me to eat.  I also remember the bathroom restrictions she had to place at meal time since I would use any excuse to go to the bathroom and flush partially chewed food down the toilet.  I was extremely picky and although I have improved slightly I still have that trait to this day.

I never really knew how annoying it was until I was faced with trying to feed the two picky children that I call my own.  When they were first introduced to solids, I thought my luck would be good.  They loved food including many that I despised.  Unfortunately, that love didn’t continue past the age of two when they suddenly became the most picky creatures on the face of the planet.  They wouldn’t eat anything and I was constantly stressing over the amount of calories they were actually getting into their bodies.  All my ECE training rationalized my thoughts and I found myself thinking, “Ok, I can’t force them to eat so I’ll just wait it out.  They’ll eat when they’re hungry.”

Unfortunately, they didn’t eat before I broke down and fixed them something they would eat.  Chicken nuggets anyone? My oldest wasn’t half as difficult as my youngest who is currently in the middle of his whole food battles age.  He won’t eat anything and no matter what I do, he will not eat until a minute before dessert is about to come out.  Only at that point will he shove one or two bites into his mouth and say, “I’m full. Can I have dessert now?”

I would love to say no but of course, that darn ECE knowledge is there and I remember courses where I was told that it is illegal to deny food to a child, including desserts if they are being offered.  It is also considered illegal to force a child to eat.  This leaves many parents in a bind since most children will be difficult eaters at some point in their life.  Eating is, after all, one of the only things that children can truly control.  They can’t say when they go to bed, when they get up, or when they go to school but how much food goes into their stomach is one of the few things that they get a decision. 

For my youngest, the whole food battle isn’t really about what he likes and doesn’t like but is in fact a power struggle that he wins often. Even if I make something that he absolutely loves, if he is in the mood for a struggle, then by golly, we are going to have a battle.  I have come to ignore those battles and they are starting to decrease slightly but I can’t wait until he is 6 when hopefully this whole food battle will finally come to an end. (Six was the age my oldest son stopped fighting about most foods.)

In the meantime, here are a few things that I do to get him to eat.

• Set a time limit for meals.  If he doesn’t eat by the time that we have given for a meal than his plate is removed from the table and wrapped up.  Usually he will ask for it right away and will take a few bites but the time limit has helped slightly since he no longer sits there for over an hour whining and complaining about the horrible food that I made.
• Saving the meals for later.  It is a fact that most children will eat when they are hungry enough, and saving a meal to reheat later is a perfectly fine.
• Offer nutritious snacks.  When I don’t wrap the meal, I will try to offer him some other nutritious snack later in the day.  This way he gets something healthy and is not snacking on empty calories.
• Have healthy desserts.  I find that my youngest is all about the desserts so I try to offer fresh fruit for dessert, that way I won’t have to deny food and he won’t get pure sugar.
• Take a taste.  I used this when I worked in daycares and I use it at home.  I don’t ask for kids to eat everything but to simply take a taste of the food.  Sometimes it gets them eating, other times, I at least got them to try something.  Of course it doesn’t really give them their daily nutritional intake but it does give me a small victory in the battle of foods.
• Taking a deep breath. I think I do this nightly, dinner is his hardest meal, but after I have taken a deep relaxing breath, I can deal with the nightly battle a bit better.

Fighting over food isn’t the easiest battle to wage with your child but it is important for me to try to get some food down him.  I know that it is karma coming back and biting me and I’m sure that my sister is laughing her head off about this but I hope we get through it soon. 

Do you have any advice on getting a picky eater to eat?  Post or email to share.

Sirena Van Schaik

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But back to our topic on teaching morals and family values.  If you remember, I started this topic with my post here and I also talked about things a parent can do, here.  Now let’s talk about what you can do with your child.

• Try not to focus on material gain or feeding egocentricity.  I was guilty of this when my oldest started JK and it was really the result of my own fears that he might be picked on or bullied.  At the beginning of his first year, I was constantly told how empathetic my son was and how he would often take children who were having a hard time adjusting under his wing.  I heard wonderful comments like, “If it wasn’t for Jake (my son), the first few month’s of Timmy’s school year would have been horrible.” (I have changed the names of both children for privacy reasons.)  After a while, I forgot about reaffirming his compassionate nature and began worrying about how popular he was. If a child in his class had the latest and greatest toy, I would run out and make sure that my son had the same toy.  When he came home from school, I often centralized my questions about his day around extrinsic influences and things that he got and I began to focus less on the values I had already set in place. Fast forward a year and I had a child that primarily cared about feeding his own needs without thinking of others.  I had to do some major damage control and change the way that I approached things.  I can’t really blame him for much of the problems since I was illustrating to him that it was more important to have than to give but after some rough patches, we have begun to see some of his natural compassion again.  The thing to remember in this is that children are egocentric creatures and for a period of time, and that is perfectly okay, but parents need to explain and illustrate times when that egocentricity is not okay.  So the lesson on this is “Don’t focus on what your child doesn’t have, but focus on the less concrete items, such as the love and friendships that he or she does have. 
• Donate items from your home to Goodwill or another cause.  I don’t have garage sales and this is partly to do with the fact that I’m just not a big fan but the main reason why I don’t have garage sales is that the money that I can make from a garage sale can be better used by places like Goodwill or the Salvation army.  When you donate to these places, it is best to have your child take one or two toys (or more if they are drowning in toys) and place them into a bin to take down to the drop box.  Make sure you give some of your items away so your child doesn’t feel this is a one sided deal that they are the only ones that has to suffer through the giving.  Things like old furniture, shoes, and clothing are great choices and I’m sure you have lots of all three that you don’t use anymore.  I like to go through the items in January right after they have received a whole bunch of new toys over the holidays.  This way, they are more likely to give up an older unused toy since they have to make room anyways.  Other times that I do this are in the spring and fall and usually coincide with my big spring and fall clean up to remove clutter.
• Volunteer with your child.  When I was a Cub Scout leader, another leader in my group also volunteered their time at the local soup kitchen on a weekly basis.  Although her 13 year old son wasn’t involved every week with her, he did come down once a month where he would help serve the food.  For them, volunteering served many purposes but the main thread of reasoning was that he learned through example that giving one’s time for those less fortunate is a great thing to do and he also became aware of people that needed help and how he could affect them for the better.
• Sponsor a child or a cause.  This is something that I do personally with my family and my oldest son takes the time to send letters to the child in Kenya that we sponsor.  It doesn’t seem like much but it has opened up a lot of awareness in my children on how there are those that are much less fortunate than we are.  Being able to converse through letters brings the message home and it has had a lot more affect than simply dropping items off at a drop box.  There is a face that goes along with the giving and a voice that can be heard through the letters.  Take the time and talk to your child about what they want to sponsor.  This is a great way to teach morals, family values and also provides opportunity to learn about the world together.  My oldest wanted to learn everything about all the countries that needed help before we decided as a family on Kenya.  So change not only one life but your families as well by sponsoring a child or a cause. 
• Give a gift at Christmas.  Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, there is nothing wrong with giving a gift to a toy drive during the season.  If you do celebrate, I would encourage not only giving a gift of your own but also having your child go out and purchase a gift to give (with their own allowance).  My oldest son chaffed at this the first year but my youngest only grumbles about how he doesn’t have enough money to buy more.  Have your child drop it off at the toy drive so he or she can be part of the whole process.
• Have open dialogue.  Nothing helps build values better than having an open dialogue with your child.  Answer their questions, share your own views on morals and values and let there be give and take conversations.  All the steps above offer ample opportunities for open dialogues.
• Finally, don’t stress if your child doesn’t always follow the morals and values that you have so diligently worked on instilling.  It takes time and everyone makes mistakes, I know I do, so don’t expect your child to grasp all the values perfectly and don’t beat yourself up when they do.

If you have anymore tips on instilling family values, please feel free to comment.

Sirena

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