Jul 23 2008
Did I lose the right time?
If you have been reading the posts for a few months now, you may have read the post where I mentioned that my husband and I were trying for baby number 3. I’m not in a huge rush to have the third baby and I have a laid back approach to it. If it happens, it happens and if not, I feel blessed already. Still, a large part of me would like a little girl (or another boy) and the sooner, the better.
Today, I had an appointment with my OB/GYN and I had to make a hard decision before I went to see her. The appointment was for a brief check in to see how things are progressing with trying to get pregnant. It has been 10 months and there hasn’t been any pregnancy. Her original goal was to have me on fertility drugs after 6 months but I held out until this appointment to even address it.
So what was my big decision 10 months into this current journey in my life? Well, it was definitely not one that my OB expected, especially when I asked for a prescription for birth control. She was visibly disappointed and I almost reversed my decision by the end of the appointment. “Well, you know Doc, if you say I should get pregnant now, who am I to know any better? You are after all the doctor so please give me that fertility drug prescription please?”
The reason for my change of heart has nothing to do with the time it has taken or about not wanting a third but is in fact geared towards more realistic circumstances. My husband is a sculptor and although he has had a secure position for several years, we are not sure what will be happening at the end of this year. He may not have an employer and this was the main reason behind not trying for a third.
For some reason, my doctor didn’t seem to understand this as I shuffled from foot to foot in the waiting room and reiterated for the third time my reason for putting baby number 3 on hold for at least 6 months. I have never experienced so much guilt over doing the responsible thing.
It made me wonder, probably not for the last time, if this is it. Is this the decision that will seal my fate and I will forever be the mother of two? Not a horrible fate by any stretch but maybe one spark of life was lost as I filled my prescription. Maybe, just maybe, my chance to become a mother was in that eleventh month. Did I somehow lose the right time to conceive?
Of course, this is all a simple melancholy and I should find my laid back feelings about this. I know deep down it was the right choice but for the next few days, I’m sure I will reassess it.
I’m sure, though, that you have read enough of my little struggle but I was wondering, when was the right time for you? Was it a surprise? A detailed plan? Or did all the pieces just click at once?
I would love to hear your stories.
Sirena Van Schaik
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