Today’s topic is one that is a lot more sombre than other posts that I have made previously and it is definitely more serious.  It deals with teaching your child about good touch vs bad touch and how they can protect themselves from predators.  This for me is one of the scariest parts of parenthood; knowing that I am not always going to be there to protect my children, and it is important to me to teach my children how to protect themselves.

This post actually came about because of a news report this morning about another online predator being arrested after broadcasting a live web feed of him abusing a child.  It sickens me that this is so rampant in our society today and it just reminds me that I need to continuously teach my children how to protect themselves. 

Today’s post isn’t about protecting against online predators, I will cover that on another day, but is about protecting your children from predators in general.  It is a statistical fact that 85% of children know their abuser and many predators use this as a means to coerce or threaten the child. 

I have listed some ways to protect your children and your family.

• Open communication: This has to start before you even get into talking to your child about predators and staying safe.  It is more of a way to live than an actual step to follow since having open communication in your family will foster the knowledge that your child can talk to you about everything and anything.  When they get a bit older, you need to reaffirm this open communication by stressing that if someone does something to them,  they should tell you and you won’t get mad at them. 
• Explaining bad touch:  This is important and my kids understand that no one is allowed to touch their genital area or other private places.  I did explain to them that in some cases doctors will need to touch those places for medical reasons but they would never do it if myself or my husband was not there.  My kids also have areas that are not allowed to be touched because they choose it.  For my oldest, he hates having his elbow being touched.  This to him is a “bad” touch, much like my stomach is a bad touch for me (I absolutely hate having my stomach touched, which was lovely when I was pregnant), and he has the right to say, “Don’t touch my elbow.”  Allowing your child to choose other places on his body that he doesn’t like being touched, even if it is a specific fingernail, helps him identify with the fact that this is his body and he has a right to tell someone not to touch it. 
• Teaching about good touch:  It is important to teach about good touch as well.  A pat on the back, a handshake, even a hug are considered to be good touching.  You also need to point out that good touch with family, say a hug, might be considered bad touch, especially by a stranger.  The best thing is to explain that if the good touch doesn’t feel good when it happens, then it has moved from being a good touch to a bad touch and he should say, “Stop, I don’t want you to touch me.”
• Knowing proper names:  The years spent in childcare has left me shuddering at the names some parents have given their children for their genitalia.  I have heard the usual; peepee, peetail, and then I have heard some pretty awful ones such as birdie, hotdog or taco.  There is absolutely no reason why a child should not know the proper term for their anatomy.  I know that it is hard to say the words to a child but it protects them and gives them the proper speech if they need to report something.  There is a story of a little girl who told a teacher about abuse that was happening in her room each day.  She had no word for vagina (vulva) except birdie. The teacher did not comprehend right away what the little girl was telling her and started asking her if her birdie had a name and other questions about birds.  I’m not sure of the validity of this story but the message is very clear, without proper language and terms, confusion can destroy any effort a child has put into seeking help.
• Be there for your children:  This is the most important of all the steps, just be there for your child. Be active and knowledgeable about his or her life.  Help out in the clubs she is in such as sports or brownies or anything else.  Know not only the children in your kid’s life but also know the parents of those children.  Be present and accounted for and your child will go to you if she needs help.
• Don’t focus only on stranger-dangers:  Remember that although strangers do pose a risk, it is people the child knows who can pose more of a risk.  85% of children know their abusers.  This means that when you are teaching good touch/bad touch, you should explain that if anyone, even someone they know, touches them in a bad way then they need to tell you.
• Saying No:  Since I mentioned language, a good word for your child to learn is “No.”  It needs to be said strongly and they should leave right away when they say it.  Another point to make is to teach your child to say, “These are not my parents” if someone grabs her from a public place.  Cries for help rarely get noticed and most people think it is a temper tantrum being dealt with.  If a child yells, “These are not my parents, they’re trying to take me,” it is more likely to get attention and, hopefully, aid.

There are many other ways to protect your children and although I would love to go through them all, this has become a very heavy post and I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much more.  I would like to sign off by giving this link to an excellent book that helps teach children from Kindergarten to age 8 what good touch and bad touch are. 

I would also like to direct you to this website, which is full of resources and information for parents on teaching safety to their children. 

Sirena Van Schaik

Tags: bad touch, child abuse, child protection, good touch, Parenting, predators, protection, Safety, tips for safety

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