May 01 2008
Becoming an Involved Father
Usually, I find that I talk about child development and everything that has to do with mom. This isn’t intentional at all but has more to do with the fact that I am a mother so I see life from the vantage point of a mother. It is important to remember that fathers are just as important as mothers and although society has often portrayed the role of the father as expendable, it really isn’t. Studies have shown that fathers are an important factor in a child’s development and having an involved father is the most ideal.
I understand that many families do not have men in the role of father and there are many families that do not have mothers, so I would like to stress that this post isn’t a way to discredit any way of life, lifestyle or family. I am just addressing the importance of fathers and how a father can become involved in their child’s development.
Okay, now that I have the disclaimer done, let’s look at ways that a father can be involved.
- Spend time with your child. I know this may seem obvious but it deserves being mentioned first and foremost. Spending time with your child will foster a bond and should be started when your child is still an infant. Finding a hobby that both you and your child enjoys will help build that bond whether it is out fishing or rehauling an engine (if you do the engine, could you drop me a line over how-to’s ;o))
- Take on some of the responsibilities of caring for your child. It doesn’t matter how many women I talk to, they all tend to share the same thing; they are in charge of 99% of their child’s care. This means they deal with bedtime, doctor appointments, school stuff, health stuff, and pretty much all of the everyday stuff. Some mom’s may feel a bit territorial over the care of the children (I know I did when my husband offered to take one sick child to the doctors) but it is important for both the relationship with your child and your wife to take some of the responsibility for everyday care.
- Try not to be just the friend. I know that it is easier to be the friend and spend all your time with your child in fun activities, especially if you find that you work long hours and only have so much time to interact with your child. While I do agree that your time together should be enjoyable, it is important for you to correct misbehavior in a positive way when you deal with it. If you are the Dad that never stops your child from misbehaving and is just fun, fun, fun, then chances are your wife is going to have to be the heavy. This can put a bit of a strain on your relationship with your wife and when it comes to your children having to listen to you, they may not since you are after all more of a friend than a Dad.
- On the other side of the spectrum, try not to be the heavy all the time. People often say, “I want my child to think of me as a parent, not as a friend,” but it is okay to have a friendship with your child. It should be clear that there is a line where that friendship will be set aside for more parenting responsibilities but in everyday life, laughter and friendship are what makes a family strong.
- Saying those simple words, “I love you.” Surprisingly, or maybe not that surprising at all, men still have a hard time discussing their feelings with anyone. When it comes to your children, however; it is important to let them know how you feel and to make them feel loved and appreciated. You don’t have to get into all the reasons why or any of the more complicated reasons but saying, “I love you,” as you send them off to their day can make all the difference in the world.
These are only a few things that a father can do to be involved and I will discuss other things in the future. For now I simply have one more point to make and this is to any mother’s who are reading this post; it is okay to hand over some of the responsibilities to your spouse. Sure it might chafe at the start (trust me, it chafes) but you will find that when it is all said and done everyone in your family is much happier with the change.
Sirena Van Schaik
