When my sister’s beautiful baby became a difficult and argumentative child, I thought to myself, “Well, that’s karma,” since my sister had been pretty difficult and argumentative as a child herself. I didn’t worry about that karma coming and biting me since I hadn’t been nearly as argumentative as she had, although I definitely wasn’t the perfect child by any stretch.  I just felt that by the time I was a mom, karma would have gotten me some other way.

Of course, I was completely wrong and lo and behold, I have not only one but two children that are extremely picky.  I can only shudder at what my mom had gone through as I recall meals where she would have to seat me beside her and force me to eat.  I also remember the bathroom restrictions she had to place at meal time since I would use any excuse to go to the bathroom and flush partially chewed food down the toilet.  I was extremely picky and although I have improved slightly I still have that trait to this day.

I never really knew how annoying it was until I was faced with trying to feed the two picky children that I call my own.  When they were first introduced to solids, I thought my luck would be good.  They loved food including many that I despised.  Unfortunately, that love didn’t continue past the age of two when they suddenly became the most picky creatures on the face of the planet.  They wouldn’t eat anything and I was constantly stressing over the amount of calories they were actually getting into their bodies.  All my ECE training rationalized my thoughts and I found myself thinking, “Ok, I can’t force them to eat so I’ll just wait it out.  They’ll eat when they’re hungry.”

Unfortunately, they didn’t eat before I broke down and fixed them something they would eat.  Chicken nuggets anyone? My oldest wasn’t half as difficult as my youngest who is currently in the middle of his whole food battles age.  He won’t eat anything and no matter what I do, he will not eat until a minute before dessert is about to come out.  Only at that point will he shove one or two bites into his mouth and say, “I’m full. Can I have dessert now?”

I would love to say no but of course, that darn ECE knowledge is there and I remember courses where I was told that it is illegal to deny food to a child, including desserts if they are being offered.  It is also considered illegal to force a child to eat.  This leaves many parents in a bind since most children will be difficult eaters at some point in their life.  Eating is, after all, one of the only things that children can truly control.  They can’t say when they go to bed, when they get up, or when they go to school but how much food goes into their stomach is one of the few things that they get a decision. 

For my youngest, the whole food battle isn’t really about what he likes and doesn’t like but is in fact a power struggle that he wins often. Even if I make something that he absolutely loves, if he is in the mood for a struggle, then by golly, we are going to have a battle.  I have come to ignore those battles and they are starting to decrease slightly but I can’t wait until he is 6 when hopefully this whole food battle will finally come to an end. (Six was the age my oldest son stopped fighting about most foods.)

In the meantime, here are a few things that I do to get him to eat.

• Set a time limit for meals.  If he doesn’t eat by the time that we have given for a meal than his plate is removed from the table and wrapped up.  Usually he will ask for it right away and will take a few bites but the time limit has helped slightly since he no longer sits there for over an hour whining and complaining about the horrible food that I made.
• Saving the meals for later.  It is a fact that most children will eat when they are hungry enough, and saving a meal to reheat later is a perfectly fine.
• Offer nutritious snacks.  When I don’t wrap the meal, I will try to offer him some other nutritious snack later in the day.  This way he gets something healthy and is not snacking on empty calories.
• Have healthy desserts.  I find that my youngest is all about the desserts so I try to offer fresh fruit for dessert, that way I won’t have to deny food and he won’t get pure sugar.
• Take a taste.  I used this when I worked in daycares and I use it at home.  I don’t ask for kids to eat everything but to simply take a taste of the food.  Sometimes it gets them eating, other times, I at least got them to try something.  Of course it doesn’t really give them their daily nutritional intake but it does give me a small victory in the battle of foods.
• Taking a deep breath. I think I do this nightly, dinner is his hardest meal, but after I have taken a deep relaxing breath, I can deal with the nightly battle a bit better.

Fighting over food isn’t the easiest battle to wage with your child but it is important for me to try to get some food down him.  I know that it is karma coming back and biting me and I’m sure that my sister is laughing her head off about this but I hope we get through it soon. 

Do you have any advice on getting a picky eater to eat?  Post or email to share.

Sirena Van Schaik

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